Bible Thumping

Regular readers of PTB know just how much credence I put in the Bible. Zero. C’mon, a book written by old white dudes trying to pass it off as the Word of God is ridiculous. That being said, a lot of people believe the Bible came, word-for-word, straight outta the mouth of the Invisible Man in the Sky. Every Commandment, every fable, every damned word…authored by JZeus or His Dad.

It seems the more zealous a person’s religious beliefs, the more likely he/she is to believe the earth is only 10,000 years old, Jonah, in fact, was swallowed by a whale, Noah pulled a Jessica Watson and sailed ‘round the world with two of everything and that President Obama is the Antichrist. They say, “It’s right there in the Bible” and they’d be right. There is a lot of ambiguity in the Bible. But now a group of conservatives has figured that the WoG is, get this, too liberal. Aye caramba!

The Conservative Bible project is intending to reword progressive parts of the Bible (love thy neighbor, do unto others, turn the other cheek…you know, the pussy stuff) to make it more conservative. You can bet your ass that the fire and brimstone quotient is gonna be through the roof. I see an increase in plagues and locusts and bloody rivers. And you can bet your ass gayness will get you a ticket straight to Hell. But here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Bible is the Word of God, what gives these chucklenuts the right to change it? And if the Bible was written by and can be changed by mere mortals, why the fuck would anyone believe it? Hear that sound? It’s JZeus spinning in His grave.

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Around The World in Sixteen Years

Jessica Watson isn’t your typical 16-year-old. While most girls her age are thinking about the prom or the Jonas Brothers newest song or the latest incarnation of High School Musical, Watson dreams about…get this…sailing around the world. Alone. Without help. Aye caramba!


Watson’s mum and dad are cool with the whole thing. They figure, if their daughter has a dream, they’re gonna support it. Others aren’t being so supportive. Critics say the Watsons are looney to let their daughter attempt such a dangerous feat. They say she’s too young and too inexperienced. They’re even accusing the Watsons of being bad parents. I don’t agree.


FULL DISCLOSURE: I don’t have any babies…never raised kids and unless they come out with a newer model that subsists solely on Keystone Light, frozen burritos and corn nuts, I never will. That being said…


On December 8, 1941, hundreds of thousands of Americans volunteered for the military. And you know what? Thousands of them were as young as Jessica Watson. Some were even younger. They lied about their age so they could make a difference in the war effort. Throughout the years, I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a few of those Vets. Their eyes sparkled with pride at the fact that they were considered too young to help, but got in anyway. Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…


Since when did sixteen become “too young?” If Jessica was a boy, would there be all this fuss? I say, if Jessica wants to circumnavigate the globe alone…and her parents say its O.K….then so be it. It’s nice to see a teenager nowadays with goals and aspirations and dreams. Besides…it sure beats her sitting in her room dinking around on Facebook or, even worse, listening to the Jonas Brothers. YIKES!


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