A WTF Weekend, Neh?

Half-Guv Sarah Palin got her Alaska reality show. Hollywood-types are reporting that Discovery Channel will pay more than $1 million per episode for the gig. Aye caramba! Funny, the former almost-VPILF always rags on the “lame stream media” and bashes reporters and journalists (like she’d know what they do). Now, with her gig on Faux News and her reality show, she has become what she says she hates...”Hollywood media elitist.” Welcome to the family Sarah!

Speaking of Hollywood…tonight is the last episode of 24. FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of 24, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who knew back in 2001 that Jack Bauer and company would have such an impact on American political landscape? Well…it’s over now and the republican party is gonna have to find a new series to scare the bejeezus out of the unwashed masses. May I suggest American Idol? FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch an episode of American Idol, we here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS! True story.

And finally…Can someone be a Christian if they’re in a militia? Several members of “Hutaree,” a Christian militia were arrested over the weekend for plotting to kill police officers. YOW! Hey douchebags…WTF about the sixth commandment don’t you understand? Ever heard of turning the other cheek or loving thy neighbor? He isn’t called the Prince of Peace for nothing, ya know. Yer all a bunch of fucking morons and are about as Christian as the Westboro Baptist Church. Here’s hoping y’all get a nice long stay at the Gray Bar Motel.

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Mama Mia

Here at PTB we surely love the Catholics. Heck-fire, without them, the only Christian denominations we could make fun of would be the Baptists…and the Mormons. That being said, this week the Vatican contends that their priestly celibacy stance is not the root cause of the sex abuse scandal. WTF? Is the Pope on drugs? Hey Ratz…listen to me now and believe me later. I agree…requiring priests be celibate did not…I repeat…did not lead to the molestation of all those millions of kids. Priests not following the celibacy order is what caused it. I mean, if you can't keep your pecker in your smock, what's the use? Funny how the more “holy” people claim to be, the more sordid and fucked up they tend to be. True story.

Finally today…ABBA, among others, is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of fame today. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…if you have a R&RHOF and Rush is not part of that hallowed group…y’all ain’t nuthin’ but poseurs. ABBA? Fucking ABBA? Shit…those cracker-assed-Swedish-crackers wouldn’t know rock and roll if it bit ‘em on their polyester bell bottoms. No Rush = No Respect.

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Baby Get Back

It’s a story that is pretty creepy once you really think about it. Ten Baptists were busted in Haiti over the weekend when they were caught trying to smuggle kids out of the country. The Baptists say they were “only trying to rescue abandoned children from the disaster zone.” Haitian police think differently. The Baptists had no paperwork and no permission to transport the kids out of the earthquake-ravaged country. Isn’t it funny how the more “Christian” you purport to be, the less Christian you act? I’m talkin’ to you Senator John “Pants on the Floor” Ensign. SHEESH! One thing I’ve gotta say…no matter how fucked up it is to be in Haiti right now…it’s still better than bein’ a Baptist. True dat.

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Don't Fear the Queer

Well, it’s been more than a week since Iowans decided that gay marriage was legal and in seven short days, GLBT peoples will be allowed to get hitched. So, we’ve got a question for the Westboro Baptist Church:



Hey, guys…WTF happened to Jzeus’ Dad? If you don’t know who the WBC is, they’re the BSC motherhubbards that swear on their bibles that “God Hates Fags.” Seriously, that’s what they believe. But words ring hollow peoples. We wanna see some action. Now, the WBCers are probably out and about, protesting at some poor bastard’s funeral but y’all had better light a fire underneath the Big Guy. The longer the Invisible Man in the Sky waits to punish Iowa (and Iowans) the less likely anyone is to believe in what the WBC is sayin’.



Look, we’re not askin’ for much. A plague would be pretty cool. Pestilence? We can dig that too. Or maybe a famine. That’d hit those gay-lovin’ Iowans right below their corn belts. That’s the kind of Godly retribution the WBC predicts and that’s the kind of fire and brimstone we’re lookin’ for. After all, it’s only Iowa.



So whadda you waitin’ for WBCers? Get on the horn to Burning Bush Man and tell him to get busy on this one. It’s not like he anything better to do.



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The Sound of One Hand Clapping

When is a protest not a protest? If Tommie Smith and John Carlos made their protest in the locker room rather than on the medal stand, would it have been the same? If Dr. King gave his “I Have A Dream” speech in front of the bathroom mirror instead of on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, would it have been the same? No and no. Protests are meant to be seen and heard. But not if the Nevada legislature has anything to say about it.





This week, Nevada’s political bobbleheads are considering a bill designed to prevent protestors from disrupting funerals and memorial services. That’s ‘cause folks like the BSC motherhubbards from the Westboro Baptist Church raise a ruckus outside military funerals shouting things like “God loves dead soldiers!” Tasteless as that may be, guess what? Here in the USo’A we’ve got a little thing called the First Amendment. Putting restrictions on protests is a violation of Americans’ rights to freedom of speech and freedom of assembly.



Now, we don’t believe in what the WBC stands for...after all, they’ve got “church” in their name. But here’s the crux of our biscuit…when politicians start preventing “funeral” and “memorial” protests, where will it stop? War protesters? Union picketers? American Idol fans? Political douchebags have no idea what this country stands for. Here in America, we let people speak their minds no matter how ugly the message is. Are you listening fat boy? Knowing people like the WBC, the KKK and other hate groups can spout their rhetoric whenever they want warms our collective heart. Why? ‘Cause when you’re up close and personal with a pile of horseshit, it makes you much more appreciative of the smell of flowers. Smarter brotherhubbards than us have said it before…we don’t agree with what they say but we’ll defend to the death their right to say it.


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Say What?

We sure do love us the Westboro Baptist Church folks. They’re the BSC motherhubbards that think JZeus’ Dad is letting U.S. soldiers get killed in Iraq and Afghanistan ‘cause we tolerate homosexuality. Well, they’re back in the news ‘cause some activist judge decided that they couldn’t protest outside the funeral of a soldier and fined ‘em enough cheddar to float a battleship. We think that’s wack.



This is friggin’ America. We’re Americans and we can say anything we want. So what’s the harm in letting the WBC’s protest at a funeral?



People can learn a lot from the WBC’s. The hatred, bigotry and intolerance they show is a perfect example of how religion keeps people apart rather than bringing them together.



Now some of y’all might be wondering about what’s called “clear and present danger.” That might work for yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theatre but it doesn’t have any juice in this argument. Why? What danger do the WBC’s protest cause (other than the possibility of them getting their collective asses kicked by irate mourners)? None. They’re Americans and they have the same right to free speech as the rest of us…no matter how fucked up their message is.



So the next time the WBC’s or the Klan or Rush Limbaugh hit the streets to spout their messages of hate, gather up all the little chillens, bring ‘em over and let ‘em listen. “What’s that I hear?” says little Timmy. "Tim my boy…that’s the sound of an endangered species…Douchebagis Collectivus Religious. Better known as a bunch of religious douchebags." Learn baby, learn.



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