Super Happy Fun Fun

Well…it’s Super Bowl weekend and you know what that means…the best commercials of the year!



FULL DISCLOSURE: Every time you watch television, we here at PTB make one MILLION dollars.



The best part about this year’s game is the fact that, for the first time, soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan (thanks a lot Chimp-Dick) will be able to drink beer during the big game. Ya see, soldiers are bound by the rules of the country they’re fighting in…and as in the case of Muslim countries, alcohol (and every other type of fun) is “verboten.” Not this weekend. Folks in the war zones will be allowed two (2) 12oz. beers each. Now, most people SPILL that much beer during the Super Bowl but you take what you can get. As always, we’d much rather get our brave young men and women home. ‘Til that happens, enjoy your brewskis. We miss you.



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Word War II

It’s gonna be a great day here at PTB. We treasure these political debates like they were the Super Bowl. Ah, the life of civics geeks. ANYWAY…we know that not all y’all are as pumped for Word War II as we are so we’ll let you in on a game we used to (and sometimes still do) play.


Before the debate, get together a bunch of points about the candidates that you can bet on like:


Who will mention 9-11 first?

Who will mention “main Street” first?

What color tie will the ‘Bamer wear?

What color tie will John McCain wear?

How many times will John McCain wink at the crowd?


See? It’s that easy. Get your friends together, make your bets and let the game begin!



During the debate, every time a candidate uses the words…

Bailout
Economy
Terrorism
9/11
Raise Taxes
Corporate Welfare
Surrender

…or a host of other words, you just know they’re gonna use, everyone in the room has to take a drink of their preferred beverage. Simple. Know anyone who doesn't drink? N/P. Just substitute the words above with…

Iraqi Government
Dead American Soldiers
My Washington Experience
Afghan Civilian Deaths
George W. Bush


…more than likely the above terms won’t be used at all. That’ll spare your teetotaler friend the hassle of getting blasted.




So you see, you can have a fun time at tonight’s debate even if you don’t give a fat-rat’s-ass who wins or loses. As for us…we’re frothing at the bit just waiting for kickoff!


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Minute Rise

There are myriad ways men-folks try to prolong the act of doin’ the nasty.


Foreplay that lasts so long it’s called sevenplay.


We hold our breath…we think about dead puppies…and the ever-popular Babe Ruth statistical rundown.


Now we find out it was all for naught. Three minutes is enough time for sex? SHEESH! We were good lovers all that time…we just didn’t know it.


Now that we DO know, we’re gonna have a bit of a swagger next time in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the bathroom or wherever).


No more man-Kegels, no more Super Bowl matchup stats and no more Tequila shooters. No, if the MD’s say three minutes is enough…three minutes it is. Any longer and it’s back to Brady Bunch episode rundown.



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