Thinking Biscuits

I don’t get it…on Monday a Toyota Prius, as they are wont to do, sped out of control over in Cali. Now the Feds are launching not one, but two investigations into the incident. Number of people killed? None. Meanwhile, Dr. Evil has admitted to okaying the torture of people in American custody but I haven’t heard a peep out of the Obama Administration. People killed? Unknown. But it surely smells like the ‘Bamer and his peeps have no stomach for a fight against the tighty-righties. Pussies.

Kay Bailey Hutchison and other members of Congress want to keep the space shuttle fleet flying. Worst. Idea. Ever. The shuttle is a piece of shit. It’s been called a brick with wings. It is a deathtrap. Don’t believe me? Just check out this story…from 1980! Why can’t America’s space program get off the fuckin’ couch and get with a program rather than trying to re-live the past like some melancholy, heartbroken schoolgirl? Yo usa...Look out behind you. Here come the Chinese!

And finally…”experts” say that raising taxes on sodas and pizza will raise a lot of money and take a lot of weight off of fat-assed Americans. Maybe, but here are two arguments: 1. Just ‘cause someone is a couple of pounds over “ideal” doesn’t make him/her obese or even unhealthy. Besides, this is a free country (isn’t it?). If someone chooses to be heavy, is it the Government’s job to tax ‘em into skinniness? No. And 2. If you’re gonna tax sugary drinks and pizzas ‘cause they’re bad for you…why stop there? Too much television is (allegedly) bad for you too. No extra taxes there. Too much stress is bad for you too. Any extra taxes there? Nope. Here’s the crux of the biscuit…if you tax a certain segment of the population ‘cause their lifestyles are anti-productive, WTF the first thing you cut out of school budgets is P.E.? True story.

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Smooshed

So…Haiti got flattened like a pancake. YIKES! Question: Why is the Invisible Man in the Sky always pissin’ on poverty-stricken brown-skinnded brothers? Early estimates are between a hundred grand and a quarter million people D.O.A. If any of y’all have a deity, now’d be the time to give Him or Her a call.

So…Brit Hume thinks Tiger Woods needs more JZeus in his life. Hume says Christianity is the best religion in the world to get forgiveness for a wandering doodle. Must be. Just ask John “Able Semen” Ensign. The Britster has been taking flak for his comments and Bill O’Reilley has come to the rescue. I a column the other day, B.O. said that Hume has every right to “espouse what he believes.” True dat. But just as Brit Hume has the right to blather on about his religious beliefs, we have a right to point out what a douchebag he is.

And lastly…it seems China is pimpin’ kid’s jewelry that is made out of cadmium. You know cadmium…that’s the fucked up stuff that causes cancer. Seems China has been making the stuff and exporting it to us. Question: Why do we still buy this kind of crap from China? Oh yeah…so WalMart can keep their prices low. Thanks a fucking lot China.

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Flagged

Last week down in the ABQ, some chucklenut thought it would be a good idea to hang his Nazi flag and his American flag outside his house. People were pretty cheesed off ‘cause the Nazi flag was displayed over an upside down American flag. Next thing you know, the huckleberry gets a visit from the Federales and the flags were removed. That gets me to thinkin’. Isn’t hanging flags outside your house your right under the First Amendment?


Now, I don’t condone what the BSC motherhubbard did but I will support to the death his right to do it. After all, in Iran, China, North Korea or Russia, if you “desecrate” their flag, they’ll perp-walk you to their version of Gitmo lickety-split. True dat. But this is America. It is everyone’s right as a citizen to do with the flag as they see fit. Anyone remember the antenna flags everyone flew on their Hummers after 9/11? What about the flags that corporate hucksters use to sell their wares on the Fourth of July and Veteran’s Day? Crass, vulgar and tasteless, maybe…but not against the law.


Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit: If the Government-Cheese sends John Q. Law to the house of a citizen for displaying a Nazi flag, WTF are they doin’ when the right-wing nut jobs wave teabag placards depicting the President as Hitler? Or Stalin? Or the Joker? Where is the Fuzz when the gun nuts show up outside a ‘Bamer speech packin’ heat? Yo FBI, there are plenty of crazies in the world but bein’ crazy isn’t an offense in the USo’A. If it was, Glenn Beck would be sleepin’ at the Gray Bar Motel and Kanye West and Joe Wilson would be his cellmates.

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Moon Day Mourning

Forty years ago, Neil and Buzz rolled outta the LEM, kicked up a little dust, collected a few rocks and basically rubbed a butt on the Russkies for all of us. USA BAYBEE!!!!! Problem is, four decades later, we haven’t been back to the moon. Hell, back in 1969 Chinese technology consisted of stone knives and bearskins and now they’re headed to the moon! WTF happened to us?


Don’t talk to me about the space shuttle. What a rip-off! Who thought it was a good idea to put wings on a flying brick? SHEESH! What a waste of time and money (not to mention the lives of 14 of our brave astronauts). Here's the best article EVER about the shuttle program.



No folks…we’ve got to get back out there – to the moon and beyond. Why? Because that’s what we do. Ever since the first caveman asked himself what was over the horizon (then went to check and was eaten by a Saber-toothed tiger) humans have felt the urge, the need to explore. If for no other reason so that a handful of folks can get off this rock…step on another world and remind each and every one of us all how small, and how insignificant, and how lucky we really are.



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Artsy Fartsy

Well, Artown has started here in the 775 and you know what that means...rednecks from all around will descend on the RNO to gawk at what they think is art -- you know, like cow patty sculptures, mountain goat paintings and cowboy poetry slams. All in all, it's a fun time. So, in honor of Artown, we're gonna give y'all another taste of one of our favorite all-time vids. Enjoy your weekend and don't blow off any appendages with firecrackers!

Mourning Moon and Night

Here at PTB, we always wanted to be astronauts. That’s before we found out you needed to know all that science and math stuff. SHEESH! What does a brother have to do to get hooked up with an alien babe? ANYWAY…



The crux of today’s biscuit is simple…



With China pushing the envelope with their first spacewalk and India launching their first probe to the moon WTF are we doing with our money? Spending it bailing out bourgie motherhubbard banking & credit douchebags and blowing the rest on two unwinnable wars. JZeus-Friggin-Christo. So much for being number one. We haiku our displeasure:



Not since Apollo
Have we been in the space race.
Now we watch others.



Why are we still here?
Space is the final frontier.
Let’s get up and go!



Others launch there now
We waste our money on crap.
The future looks dim.



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08-08-08

To us here at PTB there is nothing better than the Olympics.

Sex? Overrated. Not that us basement-dwelling bloggers would have much experience with it. When we have our first experience, we might have to change this one.

Food? Puh-leeze. If the high-fructose corn syrup doesn’t kill you, the Salmonella will. Besides, the rule around here is no food near the keyboard and the keyboard is where we are most of the time.

Drugs & Alcohol? Nope. With what we’ve seen out there in Cyberia, we don’t need chemicals to make our heads spin. Besides, unless you’re a celebrity or a big-shot honcho or a bourgie rich white dude they’ll throw you in the hoosegow and throw away the key for doin’ that stuff.

No…our vice is the Olympics. It’s a once-every-four-year orgy of running, jumping, lifting, shooting, stabbing and crying that keeps our woodies up late at night.

What we love most about the Olympics is the fact that everyone is there for one reason…to compete. We’ve long held the thought that if countries could settle their differences on the playing fields instead of the battlefields; the world would be a lot better off. For the next two weeks…it will be.

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Best. Masseuse. Ever.

We'll start the week off light. Here's a little somethin' from our Chinese brothers & sisters. After the shitty week they had last week...here's hoping things get better soon.

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Not-tional Geographic

It's not a big secret -- most Americans suck at geography. It's because of our superiority complex. Who the hell cares where anything else is in the world? If they’re not here, they must be losers.



Still, you’d think someone whose job description includes the need for a moderate level of geographic knowledge would, you know, actually HAVE said knowledge. And then we get the video right here.



Stephen Hadley goes on for two and a half minutes about China’s issues with…Nepal. That’s right…Nepal. Not Tibet. Nepal. And it’s not like it was a slip of the tongue or a verbal hiccup or, as Skeevy Uncle Fester would say, a “senior moment.” No, Hadley refers to China’s trouble with Nepal EIGHT TIMES in two and a half minutes.



So, why are we making such a big stink over something as trivial as a geographical mistake?

Stephen Hadley works for the United States Government. In 2002, he was a member of the White House Iraq Group. He was the one who made up the “Yellowcake from Niger” bullshit. Instead of getting fired, he got a promotion. Stephen Hadley is now the friggin’ National Security Advisor to the President of the United States of America…and he doesn’t know the difference between Nepal and Tibet.



If you ever wonder how America got so messed up…look no further than this shit.

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Fine China

We've got no problem with people protesting. After all, this is the USofA and that's kinda our thing. We do have a problem with people protesting the wrong way.



If you wanna protest China for their Tibet policy, why turn everyone's day to shit by climbing the GGB? That's just as crappy an idea as boycotting the Summer Olympics. You really cheesed-off at China? Wanna make a real difference? Go home...look through ALL your stuff and toss everything into the garbage with a "Made in China" tag. EVERYTHING.



'Til then, you're all just poseurs.


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Playing Politics

It was 1979 and the Soviet Union was getting’ pounded by a bunch of bass-ackward, poppy-farmin’, opium tokin’, Mujahideen. Yup…’79 was the year OBL got all his money and all his weapons from Uncle Sam so he could fight the good fight against the Godless Commies.



The President at the time was Jimmy Carter. Before Chimp-Dick showed up, Carter was considered the worst President ever. Why? Because Peanut Head thought a good way to dissuade the Soviet Union from fighting in Afghanistan was to boycott the 1980 Olympics in Moscow. Worst. Idea. Ever.



Sixty-two countries and regions stayed home that year. Hundreds of athletes lost lifetimes of work and sacrifice and sweat ‘cause Shit-For-Brains wanted to flex a little muscle. It didn’t work. The USSR stayed in Afghanistan for ten more years. Then they tucked their tails between their legs and lurped home. The only people hurt by the 1980 boycott were the athletes. They paid a high price for a massive political blunder.



Now, we’re hearing rumblings about a boycott of this year’s Olympics in Beijing. WTF is up with that? Does anyone even remember 1980? Does some politician with head-in-ass disease think that a boycott will change the way China does business? It won’t.



There’s no place in the Olympics for politics…just ask Adolph Hitler. The sight of that rat-bastard skid-marking his Underoos while watching Jesse Owens kick the living snot out of the “master race” was priceless. The Furher thought he could use his athletes to further his political cause. All he did was show the world how wrong he was.



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There's a Reason Its the FIRST Amendment

It seems like the land of the free and the home of the brave is neither nowadays. We’re talking about the recent resignations of Geraldine “Black isn't Beautiful” Ferraro and Samantha “Monster” Power.



See, back in the day, the Soviets and the Nazis used to throw people in the gulag for opening their pie holes. China…same thing. Afghanistan, a country we’re fighting to give democracy and our bestest friends in the M.E., the Kingdom of Saud…KILL people for things they say.



That’s why we love the USofA. Our free speech is a Constitutional right. You can say anything you want and not have to fear the Reaper. “Fire” in a crowded theatre? No Problem. “Theatre” in a crowded firehouse? Yummy! It’s called Freedom. Of. Speech. That is, until recently.



It seems we’ve become so P.C. that saying something deemed “offensive” gets people’s knickers in a twist. Is Hillary a monster? Probably not. Is BoB where he is today ‘cause he’s a brown-skinded brother? Nope. But should someone get perp-walked to the door for saying such things? No.



We don’t necessarily agree with what everyone says but we’ll defend to the DEATH their right to say it. They’re just words. Remember, “Sticks and stones...”

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War-Torn

A member of the Iraqi Parliment gets caught hangin' with the bad guys...


while the Iraqi Government has to buy weapons from the Chinese because we don't have enough weapons to sell them ourselves.


Meanwhile, we're spending 700 BILLION dollars a year killing our brown-skinded brothers and sisters when we can least afford it.


They say they care about America. They say they care about you.
They don't. That is, unless you're Halliburton, KBR or Blackwater.


Jesus Must be spinning in His grave!


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Spreading Democracy Throughout the World

Eighteen years ago today, in what became known as the Tiananmen Square massacre, hundreds of pro-democracy students were reported killed and thousands wounded as Chinese troops swept demonstrators from the square in Beijing.

Today, China is one of our biggest trading partners.

When the government cheese tells you they're "spreading democracy," tell them they're liars!

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