WOLF PACK

Hater Haters

If you’ve read the RGJ lately, either online or in dead tree form, you’d have noticed quite the vilification of Nevada head football coach Chris Ault. Shoot-fire…with all the vitriol spewin’ ‘round there, you’d think the Little General was Obama’s healthcare plan and Nevada fans were Glenn Beck’s teabag posse. YIKES! But I’m here to remind y’all about a few things.


You cannot judge an entire season after two games. You just can’t. That’d be like predicting how long a marriage will last by how long the first night of sex lasts. Not a very reliable indicator. True dat.


Chris Ault has been coaching at Nevada since they used real pig bladders for a ball. He’s in the college football hall of fame. Does an 0-2 start make him less smart than any year before? No. He’s the same coach that’s been at the helm for decades. He didn’t just all-of-a-sudden get stupid like Colin Powell did. Besides…Ault isn’t the one running and blocking and tackling. He’s also not the one NOT running and NOT blocking and NOT tackling.


And lastly…Nevada hasn’t been a major player in college football since we moved up to 1-A from 1-AA. Remember those days? Crisp Saturdays in November, playoffs at hand and the smell of victory in the air. Remember those days? I do. And I surely do miss ‘em. But the fact is, the powers-that-be decided to move up and play with the big boys and we’ve been getting’ our hats handed to us ever since. Nevada will never be one of the elite teams when it comes to college football. All we can do is take it in the keester during the non-conference schedule, hope to beat tomato cans like Idaho and San Jose State during conference and hope for a miracle against the likes of Hawaii, Fresno State and Boise State. Stranger things have happened…just not lately.


Besides…basketball season is just around the corner.


(8.-)

Thanks for Giving, Eve

We sure hate to be a downer on the day before a holiday but SHEESH! Did you see that dude dirt napping turkeys behind VPILF Sarah Palin the other day? That video was skankier than Britney Spears’ coochie. YUCK! Makes us glad we eat pizza on Thanksgiving. We just don’t wanna see where pepperoni comes from. YIKES!



Yesterday, the RGJ headline read: “Jobless Benefits Extended for Nevadans.” It might just be the semantics of the wording but anyone who can find the benefit in being unemployed is looking at things through beer goggles.



We’ve always held the position that Islam treats its women like shit. They’ve gotta cover up from head to toe, they can’t drive and they can’t be seen in public with a man she’s not related to. Bass-ackward cave-dwelling rat-bastards. Well, it looks like things are loosening up. Yesterday a suicide bomber in Baghdad blew 13 people to smithereens. The bomber was a woman. Way to start treating women equally, douchebags. Islam better not promise women going to heaven 72 virgins. What the hell is a woman gonna do with 72 virgins? Not. Much.



A new report out there says that the Silver State needs better-educated workers. Hey, we’re all for better ed-u-ma-ca-tion, but right next to that story was the one about a proposed 25 percent tuition hike for Nevada’s colleges and universities. WTF is up with that? They say they need more educated workers then they turn around and make it financially harder for people to get into college. That sucks.



And finally today…the Little General said yesterday that if the Wolf Pack lost to La Tech this weekend but got invited to a bowl game anyway, he’d seriously consider not going. Yeah, right.


The chances of Nevada finishing 6-6? Maybe. The chances of Nevada finishing 6-6 and getting a bowl berth?...ANY bowl berth? Maybe. The chances of Chris Ault & Cary Groth declining a bowl invite...ANY bowl invite? Never. Gonna. Happen.



(8.-)

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

We haiku about the recent trouble of one of the most famous athletes to come out of THE University of Nevada:

Tony Z - Kicker

gets the girl by drugging her.

Jocks feel entitled.

Where did you learn this?

Didn't football teach you class?

Or did you skip class?

(8.-)

Thought Bubbles

Gotta get some things off the proverbial chest…


If the state of Nevada is so hard-up for money and it costs between $35,000 and $60,000 a year to house an inmate; WTF has the state only executed eight percent of inmates on death row in the past 25 years? C’mon guys…we don’t wanna be like Texas here but SHEESH! They’re on DEATH ROW for a reason! Y’all could save money by starting there.



Uh oh…we see that former Nevada football player Tony Zendejas is having a bad day. Just goes to show you…once a Wolf Pack football player, always a Wolf Pack football player. Chris Ault’s career must be spinning in its grave.



What’s the big deal watching overpaid, over-hyped, uber-ego celebrities playing in a golf tournament? It would be one thing if Tiger, Phil and Vijay were battling it out on the links but the Donald, Bread Truck and Jack Friggin’ Wagner? No. Way.



JonBenet Ramsey’s family was cleared of any suspicion in her death by coppers down in the 303. Took ya long enough Joe Friday. It’s been more than a decade and there still isn’t a suspect. You’d think they’d have figured out SOMETHING by now. You’d think…but you’d be wrong.



And finally…we knew that “Tad the Bad” couldn’t stay off the airwaves very long. The only thing bigger than his waist is his massive ego. He actually thinks he looks good on camera. UGH! The brother gives new meaning to the term “wide shot.”



(8.-)

Monday Meanderings

The Monday after a holiday is the hardest day of the year to go to work. Alcohol. tobacco and barbeque sauce still on your breath (and fingers). The sweet smell of burned sulphur in your nose and the sight of the rockets red glare etched on to the back of your retinas. Yup, the Monday after a holiday is a tough one so we’re gonna go light and do a couple of hit-and-runs.





No end in sight for the salmonella outbreak. The FDA continues to investigate but they’re as clueless as a bag of doorknobs. Can you say Keystone Cops? Funny, notice how all the ingredients suspected in this whole circle-puke are in Mexican food? Tomatoes, cilantro, jalapeños. SHEESH! Like our brown-skinded brothers from Mexico need more shit from the tighty-righties. Guess that asinine immigration wall is working out just the way the government-cheese wants it to.





Seems old, infirm and sickly prisoners in Cali are puttin’ a crimp in the state budget. No shit. Problem is, the United States has more people in prison than friggin’ CHINA! WTF is up with that? Oh yeah. If you’re Mexican or brown-skinded or you put drugs in your system not okayed by the feds you’re livin’ in the gray bar motel long time. If you’re a white, bourgie, celebrity type you get let off the hook. You think if Tatum O’Neil was you or me she’d have gotten off like she did? No. If it were you and me, we’d be languishing in Gitmo. Guaranteed.





So, the University of Nevada has run up a tab for outside legal fees to the tune of 1.7 million dollars. Huh? UNR is cutting programs like they’re overgrown toenails. They’re cranking up student tuition and fees and then they run up a bill like this. Someone’s Wolf Pack head should be on a platter over this cluster-fuck. BTW…if the football team routinely loses two million dollars a year, why not cut THAT waste of money? It’s not like anyone goes to football games anyway. Besides, UNR’s stance is that football can, eventually, increase revenues. Right. By beating the snot out of Sacramento State? By playing nowhere in a nothing bowl the day after Thanksgiving? Hey Glickety-Split…just ‘cause the Little General can kick your ass doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider cutting him loose. After all, you’ve fired coaches with much better teams and much better records.





And finally…according to the AP, pools and parks are starting to open in Baghdad. Great. Brings new meaning to the ol’ CANNONBALL! Oh yeah…in this picture…the lifeguard at the pool is fully dressed in COMBAT GEAR! How’s he gonna jump in and save anyone with all that Kevlar on? He’d sink right to the bottom. Better than getting IED’d but its STILL the Suck.




(8.-)

Free Association Friday

Is politician the only job where if you get divorced, bang a ‘ho or have an EMA you have to resign? Hell…even priests get to keep their jobs! We do wonder though, how you can keep your Government-Cheese gig after gettin’ busted for trolling for gay sex in an airport bathroom.


Everyone’s gettin’ their Underoos in a twist over Scotty Mac’s new book. There’s nothin’ in there we didn’t already know. But notice how critics of the book are raggin’ on Scottie Mac the person while ignoring revelations that Chimp-Dick, Dr. Evil and Scooter are guilty of treason? We’ve gotta say…if this pResident was a Democrat, they’d have opened up a can of impeaches on his ass long ago.


WTF? A tent city in the Biggest Little City? If we’re the greatest country in the world, how the fuck come we’ve got homeless people livin’ in tents? We wonder…would JZeus rather spend a billion dollars a month bombin’ brown-skinded brothers or helping the homeless?


Four arrests in one weekend. Looks like the Wolf Pack football team is in mid-season form already.


We don’t quite get WTF is up with all this Sex and the City hype. We’ve read everything we could about the hoopla surrounding the new flick. The motherhubbard should be re-titled Clothes and the City” ‘cause we couldn’t find sex anywhere. What a ripoff.


Speakin’ ‘bout SatC…if you spend $400 on a pair of shoes or $500 for a purse or $1,000 for a dress…you’ve got some really messed up priorities.


The First Lady is accusing the Governor of having a girlfriend and he’s denying it. Now, we know what you’re thinkin’, “Is there really a heterosexual republican politician out there?” Yo Gov., just cop to the fact that you’re puttin’ tab “A” into slot “B” and let’s move on. We wanna get to the juicy stuff.


We didn’t know this, but here in the 775 you can get a citation for “failing to carry out your duties as a parent.” WTF is up with that? Is there a list of parental duties somewhere? Are we gonna cite parents of obese kids for letting poor Suzie and Bobby eat at Mickey-D's? Are we gonna cite parents who let their kids listen to gangsta rap? Can you say “overkill”?


And lastly today…wildfires in the 775 are getting bigger and more dangerous. No. Duh. Wanna know why? ‘cause more and more people are building their houses in the middle of the forest. When a fire hits, we all drop trow and stamp the motherhubbard out. That leaves more schizzle to burn the next time ‘round. Forest fires are nature’s way of thinning things out. When we interfere, things get worse. Question: Who put out Tahoe forest fires back in the days of Ben, Hoss and little Joe? Answer: No one. And it all worked out fine for them.

(8.-)