Number One With A Shot and a Chaser

Yee Haw!!! A new report out says that the 775 leads the entire USo’A in heavy drinking. WE’RE NUMBER ONE BAYBEE!!!! Actually, we have a problem with this study. The Center for disease control classifies a heavy drinker as a man who has more than two alcoholic drinks a day…for women, it's more than one per day. WTF kind of Puritanical rat-bastard came up with those numbers? SHEESH! Every hotel, casino, strip club, dance club, liquor store, grocery store and preschool in the 775 offers two for one drink specials. Two drinks? Heck-fire…beer goggles don’t even kick in ‘til the sixth drink!



The problem with studies like this is that they lump everyone into the same category. More than two drinks a day and they consider you an alcoholic. Don’t drink at all and they call you a saint...but not Saint Patrick. Here’s the crux of the biscuit: If you’re a moronic douchebag, it’s not the alcohol doing it…it’s you. Americans tend to play a lot of the blame game. They think their troubles are all caused by something other than themselves. Listen folks…it’s not the alcohol screwing up your life…you’re doing it yourself. Don’t let the Puritans convince you otherwise.




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Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oy! Oy! Oy!

Yesterday we talked about the need for the 775 to increase tourism and the dollars that come with it. One of the cornerstones of our proposal was to legalize prostitution in the entire state. After all, as the old saying goes, “sex sells.” Come to find out that the Aussies have been surfin’ our brain waves. Either that, or they just click on over here and read PTB…ANYWAY…



Queensland State, Australia is a big tourist destination, just like the NV. They’re feeling the pinch of the world economic meltdown as much as anybody (thanks a lot Chimp-Dick). So whadda you think they’re gonna do about it? How ‘bout a month-long, clothes optional, hedonistic, horizontal mambo? That’s right. To bring in the tourists and their money into the area they’re actually promoting a four week sex-a-thon. See…we told you!


"Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox, the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, told the local newspaper. Yup…he actually said, “stiff measures.” So, word got out and peeps from all over the globe are heading to the "Q" to sample the pleasures we Puritans here in the USo’A dare not speak of. They’re all gonna get sweaty and nasty and dirty and soon they’ll all be rollin’ in the dough (which is pretty sexy in its own right). Gives new meaning to the term “Thunder From Down Under.”



Ya see folks…if we wanna get out of this financial clusterfuck, we’ve gotta think outside the box. HAR! Yup, we said “outside the box.” We’ve got to get into new sources of revenue and expand the tax base. Legalize prostitution throughout the Silver State, pimp the fact that we have it, sit back and watch the tourists and their dollars roll in. We can do that or we can all sit on our asses, do nothing and watch as we sink into Bolivia. C’mon guys…whadda ya say?


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XXX Files

So, David Duchovny has checked into rehab ‘cause he’s a sex addict. Hey DD, you’re married to Tia Leone…you’d BETTER be a sex addict! Heck, you used to be a Hollywood A-Lister, You probably got more trim in one week of X-Files than we’ve gotten in our whole lives.



Smokin’ hot VPILF Sarah Palin’s unwed, 17-year-old daughter is preggers. FULL DISCLOSURE: None of the brothers here at PTB were responsible. The tighty-righties heard about Palin’s fertile offspring and skidmarked their Underoos. Hey GOP…didn’t the Invisible Man in the Sky tell you sex is only supposed to be between a man and his wife? Don’t try to sell us your Puritanical bullshit if you don’t even believe it yourselves.


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