Watching Your Fifths on the Fourth

Be careful with heat.

All sorts of things can burn you.

April babies ROCK!

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Happy Independence Day from whatever it is that you feel the need to be independent from.

...and Your Little Dog Toto Too!!!

It sure is a pisser when everything you own gets washed down the tubes and we here at PTB wanna send out good vibes to our brothers and sisters in the KS.

Quick question: is all this flooding God's revenge for the Jayhawker's belief in intelligent design?

Does the invisible man up in the sky hate Kansas because they no longer teach evolution in the classroom?

Lastly, if things really were intellegently designed by a supreme being, did he or she forget how to do the plumbing? Just asking.


(8.-)

Art...Art For Art's Sake

Art is like ice cream but sometimes chocolate, vanilla and strawberry just won’t do.



That’s why here in the 775 we’ve do ourselves a month-long cacophony of sights, sounds, smells and tastes known as Artown.



Think of it as an onion-skin, rutabaga, tripe, coffee and haggis sorbet. Made by Timothy Leary , served by Picasso in a genuine Jimi Hendrix bowl.



It’s synaesthesiac’s worst nightmare and there’s something for everyone.


July is hot in the 775!!!


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New car, caviar, four star daydream. Think I'll buy me a football team.

WTF??? The Government-Cheese has done it again. They've voted themselves a COLA of more than four grand!!!


Think we can afford it?


Think they earned it?


When was the last time you got a triple digit COLA?


When they say they care about you, your family and your country...THEY'RE LYING!

(8.-)

Sins Of The Father (and Mother)

Parents, for the most part, look out for the best interests of their kids. After all, it is their job. But now we're reading that giving alcohol to little Bobby could quite possibly land Mum & Popster in the gray bar motel. Once again, Big Brother thinks he can do a better job protecting the little ones. PUH-LEEEEZE!!!

Check it...you can give your kids drugs like caffeine...you can let 'em play video games and eat high fructose corn syrup 'til their fat little bodies explode...heck, they can even watch sex and violence with no government interference. All they need is parental permission. Does the government care about any of that? No. When they tell you "It's about the children" they are LYING to you!

It almost makes you want to be a Frog.

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If A Tree Burns In The Forest...

We’ve got nothing but love and good vibes for the peeps up in the SLT. We here at PTB have always had a spot in our hearts for "thems that be Tahoe." Indeed, it is one of the most beautiful places here in the 775…probably one of the most beautiful places on this entire big blue marble.

When they catch the perp, they should go old school on his ass.

Just one question though…when you buy a trailer and move it to a park in Kansas, wouldn’t you be worried about the wind?

(8.-)

Talkin' Out The Side Of His Neck

Last week the president used his little red veto pen for only the third time in almost seven years. He said that he couldn’t, in all good conscience, use American taxpayer money to kill stem cells.

Funny…he doesn’t seem to have a problem using our money to kill real people.

Anytime a politician says they support the troops…they’re lying to you.

(8.-(

Television...The Drug Of The Nation

These buzz-kills just came out with a study that says that parents are worried about their kids' exposure to sex and violence in the media.

(Full disclosure: We here at PTB make ONE MILLION DOLLARS every single time you turn on your television.)

Listen up 'rents...rather than getting the government cheese to censor the content of TV shows...do us all a favor and BE PARENTS! That's your job!

If little Bobby goes BSC it isn't television's fault...

you can't blame it on video games...

or rap music either. It's all on you.

We keep saying it...you need a license to fish, you need a license for your dog, or to open a business...but anyone with one of these can be a parent...understand your responsibilities or keep your pecker in your pants!

(8.-)

If God Was On Our Side We'd Be Kicking Their Asses By Now!

What WOULD Jesus fly?

"Prince of Peace" indeed.

Guess he'll have to sortie a little bit longer now though...

When they tell you they support the troops call them LIARS!!!

(8.-)

Kill 'Em All...Let (Their) God Sort 'Em Out

Nine...count 'em nine.

Enough for an entire team.

Accidents happen...yeah right. This isn't the war on terror!

If we fight them there, we won't have to fight 'em here. If we kill 'em there, you can be sure we've made martyrs of them and made terrorists out of their kinfolk.

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This Is Your War...This Is Your War On Drugs...

This is why we do not now, nor ever will, trust the government cheese. It's bad enough we've got brothers and sisters in harm's way for NOTHING! Now it seems that some douchebag in the DC wants our military to fight flowers!!! Every second we're in the AFG, we're making enemies. Every second we're in the AFG, we're screwing over our military men & women. When they tell you they support our troops...call 'em LIARS!

Get Along Lil' Dogie...

One of PTB's all-time faves here in the 775 is the Reno Rodeo. It's hard to explain but nothing is quite as exciting as seeing some huckleberry get his head stomped by a raging bull. We gotta admit though...you've gotta have great athletic ability and a HUGE pair of iron balls to get out there on a 2,000lb. steak with bad intentions. Just remember ladies...the bigger the buckle...the smaller the...well, you know.

(8.-)

You Wanna Call it WHAT???

If Scheels Sporting Goods succeeds in getting their name on Sparks Boulevard, we here at PTB can see good things coming from this.

We could make money by renaming all of our streets.


Our first choice, of course, is changing the name of Mill Street to Mills Lane.


BTW, it sure is nice to see Mills back in town. HUZZAH to you brother. We miss you!

(8.-)

Betsy Ross Was A MILF!!!

We always get excited on Flag Day here at PTB. After all, the flag is the symbol of everything America stands for. Lately though, the Stars and Bars have become a little less popular with our brown-skinned brothers and sisters. Let's just hope we can rekindle a little love for the red, white and blue. We certainly could use it.

(8.-)

House Hunting

Some here in the 775 are predicting a recession because of the downturn in people buying houses and the shit the subprime lenders have gotten themselves (and us) into. But the slowdown in the housing market mostly affects those in the real estate business. The crisis with subprime lenders affects those who took out loans to buy a house and now can’t afford the payments. But the only think that’ll affect Reno’s economy is our ability to lure people to the area who think slot machine and excitement belong in the same sentence.

(8.-)

Luuuuke....Use The Force

WOO HOO!!! We don't get many blue-chippers here in the 775 and when we do, it's almost impossible to keep 'em. Not this time. Studlier-than-thou power forward Luke Babbitt nixed his verbal to OSU and decided to play for the Silver and Blue. Don't think it's important? Don't really care? Check this...with Cool Hand Luke plying his trade at THE U of N...you can add a couple o' million more dollars flowin' into campus coffers and maybe even a couple of more NCAA Tournament wins. Major coup for Fox & Friends. Huzzah...it's a great day to be among the Wolf Pack faithful!

(8.-)

Drowning on Dry Land

Anytime you hear the words "new government entity" know that your tax dollars are likely being flushed down the toilet.

The newest waste...the "Western Regional Water Commission." They're tasked with managing our water supplies and search for new sources. Hey dumbasses...here's a newsflash -- manage the growth of the state's population and you won't NEED to find more water. Or is that just too simple of an answer for the government cheese?

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Doctor...Doctor...Gimme the News...

So...the Silver State's sawbones rank in the bottom ten in the country. We say...so what.


If you did your job and had only 1.68 mistakes per 1,000 tasks...that'd be a pretty good average.


Remember...America has some of the best doctors and hospitals in the world. That is...unless you're one of these guys.


(8.-)

The Longest Day

Sixty-three years ago today, a lot of good people took a lot of bad shit to rid the world of one screwed-up individual and his lunatic followers. Thanks boys...you help us remember that America wasn't always the most hated nation in the world.

(8.-(

We Don't Need No Edu-ma-cation

ALLRIGHT, school is out here in the 775!

A couple of things to remember kiddies...

Don't let your friends and family get too happy at graduation...

Sell your soul now so you can afford college...

and

If you need a job...here ya go.

Welcome to the real world.

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From the Department of Bureaucracy Division - Crony Department

Again, the government cheese getting bigger 'cause they can't do all that work by their little lonesomes.

The Western Regional Water Commission won't have authority to acquire water, raise rates, or incur debt. Well, at least, the "can't raise rates" and the "can't incur debt" parts are right on.

The agency will have the ability to create region-wide plans for the use, management and conservation of water. Ummm...shouldn't we already have someone to do that?

Meanwhile, at the last minute, Lawmakers gave pay raises to school board members in Washoe and Clark counties. Board members were making $480 per month and now they get $2,000 per month. That's a 300% increase. No wonder the state doesn't have the money for things like transportation, education and meth addiction...they're spending all your tax money giving raises to their buddies. SHEESH!

(8.-)

Spreading Democracy Throughout the World

Eighteen years ago today, in what became known as the Tiananmen Square massacre, hundreds of pro-democracy students were reported killed and thousands wounded as Chinese troops swept demonstrators from the square in Beijing.

Today, China is one of our biggest trading partners.

When the government cheese tells you they're "spreading democracy," tell them they're liars!

(8.-)

It's Good to Be the King

If you're a dedicated public servant, striving to do the most good for those who put you in office…

why would you embarrass the state with this?

C’mon Mr. Governor…you can do better.

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Stealing Candy from YOU Baby...

High barrier markets are just what they imply. If you wanna put your business here...there's gotta be something in it for everyone. It's development paying for itself.

Now here comes Kimco and whadda you think they're famous for building? The lowest of the low barrier classifications.

Well...your kids won't get the economic tax benefit of having a high-tech operation goin' up in the 'hood...

But on the flip side...they can get dollar menu fries 24/7/365

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The Best Laid Plans of Mice...

Yep...they're keeping us safe.

WTF???

If they can't keep the plans to the friggin BAGHDAD EMBASSY from making it to Cyberia...do you really feel safe with them in charge of security in America?

Oh yeah...

Now the motherhubbards are talking about staying in Iraq for the next HALF CENTURY.

Hello...is there anybody IN there?

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