It Sucks Livin' In The Suck

There's no H2O in The Suck.


There's no electricity in The Suck.


A dozen or so brave Americans die in The Suck every day.


Hundreds of civilians die in The Suck every day.


Q: Do you think the Iraqi people are better off now than they were under Saddam Hussein?


When they tell you we're there to liberate the Iraqi people and give them democracy...THEY'RE LYING!!!


(8.-)

And Up From The Ground Comes A 'Bubblin' Crude

Reno said no.



Carson City thought it was shitty.



Minden and Gardnerville were thinkin' ill.



The county planning commission, was on a mission, so they recommended against it.




But county commissioners, All-knowing, all-seeing, who know more than we mere mortals, approved it.




Now Jethro has his casino and the 775 gets yet another example of how elected officials don't give a damn about anyone but themselves.

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Hot Time In The City

It’s finally here. The 775’s tribute to the cars, music and style of yore.

People cruise in their hoopty wagons, mack on the girls and get hassled by the fuzz…just like they did back in Fonzie’s day.

Problem is, now the HANers are all old geezers so they’ve decided to stop their Saturday night cruise.

Why?

‘Cause the brown skinned kids from Cali roll in driving their rice rockets, macking on the girls and getting hassled by John Law.

Officials say they're "troublemakers."

We here at PTB consider them the HANers of the future.


Reno only wants your tourist dollars if you're a pink-skinned cracker!


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Lawyers, Guns and Money

Too many missing.

Where's the problem in Iraq?

Who would Allah shoot?


(8.-)

If Pro Is The Opposite Of Con…What’s The Opposite Of Progress?

It certainly seems like we’ve spread real American Democracy to the middle east. The whole friggin’ Iraqi Parliment is taking a six week vacation.





WTF?





Don’t they know there’s a war goin’ on??? Do these Iraqi-crats think their country is on the right track? And why hasn’t anyone from OUR congress said anything?





Meanwhile…every day they’re on vacation, more American soldiers and Iraqi civilians will needlessly die.



When they say they care for our brothers and sisters in the armed services…they’re LYING!





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The 702 Wants Your Babies Next

It's called the DESERT for a reason!


The 702 reminds us of the schoolyard bully that’d finished his packet of mustard and saltine cracker lunch and starts to leer at you and your lunchables. “You gonna eat that?,” he says. You say “no” and the bully gets your lunch. You say ”yes” and you get a handful of boogers wiped across your Wonderbread.


Hey 'Vegas...get your own water and leave Lincoln County's H20 alone!


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Bad Sports

Iraq's soccer team rubbed a butt on the competition in the Asian Cup Championships this past weekend. You'd think the country would unite behind their newfound heroes. You'd be wrong. These crazy motherhubbards, taking a page from the Detroit Pistons Championship celebration playbook, started blowing up even more innocent people. EEK! No telling what'd happen if the Iraqis win the World Cup!


(8.-)

When You Blow a Dollar on a Bottle of Water...Buy Perrier

It looks like all the bourgie poseurs out there sipping on Aquafina got a kick in the arse last week when PepsiCo decided on a little “Truth in Advertising.”


Turns out the pure refreshing spring water everyone is gulping comes straight from the sink. Not just any sink…a sink in Massachusetts! UGH!


It’s just another reason we love living here in the 775…our tap water is among the cleanest, freshest and tastiest on this entire big blue marble!


BTW…”Aquafina” in French means “donkey urine.”



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Four Martini Launch

One small step for man...two wobbly steps off the line and Buck Rogers ends up blowing a .12...


and NASA still let them fly!!!



Question: When an astronaut gets a field sobriety test, does he/she have to recite the aviation alphabet backward? "Zulu...Yankee...X-Ray..."


Now, we here at PTB don't condone drinking and astronauting but we do understand the need for a snort or two before strapping yourself on top of one of those Acme rockets. Hell, if it were us going up there, we'd be BLASTED before blast-off!




(8.-)

Dictator in a Polo Shirt

Jeez…you’d think the O-Bamer said he’d give a hummer to OBL the way people have been jumping in his grill. All he said was that he’d talk to the bad guys. We’ll tell you right now…the bourgie motherhubbards that are ragging on the big “O” have NEVER been in a street fight. How do we know? ‘Cause anyone who has ever kicked the crap out of someone else (or had their own asses handed to ‘em) feels pretty silly afterward. Hell, with any sense of decency or morality, they probably feel really shitty. Just like your second grade teacher said, “Fighting never solved anything.”


Here’s the crux of the biscuit: Bush-Wipe was playing kissy-face with the COMMUNIST President of Vietnam earlier this year. Remember Vietnam? How many lives were uselessly lost fighting the very same communists we’re sucking up to right now?

China is America’s biggest trading partner. Remember fighting Communist Chinese and Koreans in the Korean War? How many lives were uselessly lost fighting the very same communists we’re sucking up to right now?

When Michael Moore went to Cuba while shooting “Sicko,” the Government-Cheese got their panties in a tweak because of the embargo against doing business there. Just a month earlier, Matt and his fivehead was in Cuba shooting a segment for the “Today Show”. Not a peep. Why? ‘Cause you can deal with ANY rat-bastard dictator if you’re a long-time politician or hosting a high-profile TV show. But, if you’re a Hollywood liberal, a democrat or a newbie you’re SOL.

(8.-)

Dog Bites Man...Media In A Frenzy!

We here at PTB are avid dog lovers. After all, some of our fondest memories were hangin' with Hercules.



If Michael Vick is convicted of the crimes he's accused of committing...he should get a long room reservation at the Gray Bar Motel...HOWEVER...



This is AMERICA where you're innocent 'til proven guilty (unless you're a swarthy foreigner...then you get slapped into Gitmo).



Don't forget the rush to judgment in the Duke Lacrosse case (we're talking to YOU Jesse Jackson!).



Until Vick gets his trial by a jury of his peers...and convicted...PETA, the Humane Society and the rest of the protesting rat-bastards should just STFU.



(8.-)

Spoiler Alert!!!

Well, here we are. The Harry Potter saga is deader than one of Michael Vick's best friends.

We knew this day would come but we never thought it would end in such a bizarre way.

Harry...gay?

Hermione and Ron having baby-daddy issues?

Professor Snape inappropriately touching students? EEEEK!

There were a LOT of twists but one thing that didn't surprise us...turns out Lord Voldemort really was a Dick.

That was more obvious than the Hagrid/BALCO storyline.

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Park Place?

Quality baseball will peak interest here for about two weeks. Then, the honeymoon'll be over.


What the hell kind of "mixed use" can you get out of a baseball field anyway? Water slide down the third base line? Internet cafes in the dugouts?


To make a profit with a AAA baseball team, you need butts in seats. The 775 just can't pull that off . We can't even support the teams already here. Besides, where you gonna put it?


Downtown Reno? Crappy Parking.


Sparks Marina? Renoites would commit seppuku.


There just aren't enough people in the 775 who'll drive to WHEREVER to see minor league baseball. Haiku says it all.



Where to build the park?

five thousand people needed

profits will be nil

(8.-)

Governor Buzzkill

Governor “Legal Defense Fund” thinks presidential candidates spend too much time in the Silver State.


Isn’t the motherhubbard’s job to get people to come here in the first place and not to chase 'em off?


Every time a Dem stops by, the 775 gets national coverage in the press, local big-wiggers get to schmooze with national big-wiggers and the regular schmos get to be close to someone famous.


Look Jim...if it were your Republican buddies "doin the do" here in the 775, you'd be dancin' the little toady dance...so tell the stick in your ass to take the stick out of its ass.


(8.-)

It Takes A Whole Lot O' Medicine to Pretend You're Somebody Else

We love us our ball here in the 775. We've been playing since the days back of Mr. Mertel's house.

As the Great Bambino's record gets closer to falling, we wanted to celebrate with a bit of haiku.


Barry breaks record

Innocent ‘til proved guilty

Throw the first stone…bitch


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Babies Makin' Babies

We've said it before...we'll say it again. You need a license to fish, you need a license to drive, some places even make you get a license for your dog but anyone can poop out a baby (in this case two). And don't believe for a minute this was all caused by the internet...or drugs...or Elvis' pelvis...

These two shouldn't be allowed to have any more children.

Global W(h)arming

How many $...spent on this tripe
could have been spent helping?



Just asking.


(8.-)

Happy Dam Birthday

Most of us here at PTB have spent time down in the 702. Not all of it our own choosing...



We just like the 775 better.




But we've gotta admit, one of our faves about SoNv is Hoover Dam. Heck, before the USA went pink panties, you could actually go down inside the thing. Pretty cool.



Besides there's nowhere in the world more fun to hock loogies off of.



So we just want to send a "Happy Birthday" to Hoover Dam.


One of the few cool things about the 702.

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Druggin' & Drivin'

This is what you get when Tipper Gore has sex.



AGIII gets collared by Ponch & John with a boatload of the kind and 'scrips without proper papers.


He was goin' warp 10 in his veggie-mobile...

sheesh...we didn't even know those corn-guzzlers could go that fast!


And what's the first thing AGIII did after getting popped? He blamed the ganja!

Listen up...drugs aren't bad...morons on drugs are.

(8.-)

Hot Time in the City

Well, it looks like the 775 will be bakin' like the 702 today. Yeah, yeah, we know that all y'all in the AZ and the like aren't shedding any tears for us but 109 degrees is HOT! Stupid Al Gore and his global warming. When will it end? Oh, that's right...this winter.

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Watching Your Fifths on the Fourth

Be careful with heat.

All sorts of things can burn you.

April babies ROCK!

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Happy Independence Day from whatever it is that you feel the need to be independent from.

...and Your Little Dog Toto Too!!!

It sure is a pisser when everything you own gets washed down the tubes and we here at PTB wanna send out good vibes to our brothers and sisters in the KS.

Quick question: is all this flooding God's revenge for the Jayhawker's belief in intelligent design?

Does the invisible man up in the sky hate Kansas because they no longer teach evolution in the classroom?

Lastly, if things really were intellegently designed by a supreme being, did he or she forget how to do the plumbing? Just asking.


(8.-)

Art...Art For Art's Sake

Art is like ice cream but sometimes chocolate, vanilla and strawberry just won’t do.



That’s why here in the 775 we’ve do ourselves a month-long cacophony of sights, sounds, smells and tastes known as Artown.



Think of it as an onion-skin, rutabaga, tripe, coffee and haggis sorbet. Made by Timothy Leary , served by Picasso in a genuine Jimi Hendrix bowl.



It’s synaesthesiac’s worst nightmare and there’s something for everyone.


July is hot in the 775!!!


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New car, caviar, four star daydream. Think I'll buy me a football team.

WTF??? The Government-Cheese has done it again. They've voted themselves a COLA of more than four grand!!!


Think we can afford it?


Think they earned it?


When was the last time you got a triple digit COLA?


When they say they care about you, your family and your country...THEY'RE LYING!

(8.-)

Sins Of The Father (and Mother)

Parents, for the most part, look out for the best interests of their kids. After all, it is their job. But now we're reading that giving alcohol to little Bobby could quite possibly land Mum & Popster in the gray bar motel. Once again, Big Brother thinks he can do a better job protecting the little ones. PUH-LEEEEZE!!!

Check it...you can give your kids drugs like caffeine...you can let 'em play video games and eat high fructose corn syrup 'til their fat little bodies explode...heck, they can even watch sex and violence with no government interference. All they need is parental permission. Does the government care about any of that? No. When they tell you "It's about the children" they are LYING to you!

It almost makes you want to be a Frog.

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