Thursday, October 2, 2008

Thursday Thought Bubbles

VPILF Sarah Palin is prepping for tonight’s battle with Joey the Shark by goin’ to…get this…GOP Debate Camp. WTF do they teach you there? How to confuse Shiite and Sunni? How to pee with a wide stance? The proper display and disposal of flag pins? Or maybe you learn how weather patterns are affected by gay sex. Either way, we’re looking forward to the debate more than a Rastafarian looking forward to the first spliff after a urine test.

One more thought on the VPILF. The other day she was asked if she knew of any SCOTUS decisions she disagreed with besides Roe v Wade. She couldn’t think of one. Here at PTB our most hated decision is Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, but we’re civics geeks. Hell, wanna bet if she was asked which SCOTUS decisions she agreed with, she couldn’t come up with one of those either? Guess now we know what Dan Quayle would have looked like with boobs.

Number nerds have figured that Barack Obama is more likely to live out his presidential term than John McCain. Hmmm…think so? The slide rule smarty pants suggest McCain’s age and health make him a prime candidate to take a dirt nap while in office. We disagree. As soon as the ‘Bamer moves in to the White House the clock is ticking. Bass-ackward, redneck, inbred, hillbilly crackers will be lining up to JFK him. There’s nothing whitey hates more than a successful brown-skinded brother. Well, maybe a successful woman.

How come when Heath Ledger, the creepy Olsen Twin, Rush Limbaugh, Heather Locklear and their ilk get busted with ‘scripts, no one gets charged with a crime but when Snowboarding Spicoli gets caught with the kind on his way to Burning Man he gets Abu Ghraibed? Just asking.

Closer to home…The Environmental Protection Agency says that Yucca Mountain has to be designed to protect against excessive radiation exposure to residents of the 702 for up to…wait for it…a million years. SHEESH! Who’s gonna be around if the motherhubbard starts leaking in 3008? That’s only a thousand years. Heck, the EPA can’t even make sure FEMA trailers are free of asbestos. How’re they gonna pull this off?

Finally…y’all know we love our dogs here at PTB. In the Sunshine State our counterpart is Greg LeNoir. Last week GLeN was swimming with his rat terrier when Jaws III popped in from out of nowhere and started doin’ the reverse McGruff. Seeing his pup turning into a taste test, GLeN jumped in and pulled an Ali on the fish. BAM! Down goes Frazier! Human and canine came out of it with minor scratches…the shark reportedly wants a rematch down in ‘Vegas.


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