Monday, November 24, 2008

Imagine There's No Heaven

It’s interesting to see Reno’s D-league hoops team promising us the “NBA Experience.” Guess that means we’ll get overpriced tickets, overpriced food and underperforming dawdlers lagging up and down the court. Heck, throw in a primadonna teammate or two, opponents no one cares about and a losing record and you’ll experience the NBA the same way 90% of the league does.

We can’t stress this enough. School uniforms. Worst. Idea. Ever. State Senator Bob Coffin is proposing that all public school students in the NV wear uniforms. Yo Coff…if all the little chillens are wearing the same thing, how are the PoPo gonna know who the gangbangers are?

On this day in history in 1859, Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species. JZeus has been spinning in his grave ever since.

In today’s dead tree edition of the RGJ, Janice Ayres says that Nevada shouldn’t use its Tobacco Settlement Funds to bail out the state budget. She’s right. That money was specifically given to states so they could educate and treat people addicted to nicotine. Problem is, we’re already using those dollars to give Nevada high schoolers the Millennium Scholarship. Remember, if people quit smoking, the state will lose out on lots of tax money. So keep on puffin’ those stogies!

Looks like Citigroup is gonna get more government-sponsored welfare. Goddamned corporate socialists. Let’s get this straight. Citigroup wants billions of taxpayer dollars so that that they can loan it to people who don’t need it so those people can buy more crap that they don’t need and can’t afford. Are we missing something here?

Finally today…the Beatles. You remember them. They’re the drug-addled, hippy, rock-n-roll freaks who glorified drugs, Charles Manson and some brotherhubbard named Rocky Raccoon. Back in the day, John Lennon even went so far as to say the Beatles were bigger than JZeus. Oops! That sure put the band on the religious right’s shit list. Well, time heals all wounds, or maybe time wounds all heels. ANYWAY…now
the Vatican is saying that the Beatles’ music was some of the most creative stuff ever written and their songs are classic compared to today’s tunes and that they forgive the band. Yeah right. Ever heard Octopuses Garden? It’s the story of man/mermaid love. And that’s a whole lot worse than gay marriage! No worries though, next to Kittie, NWA and GWAR, the mop tops from Liverpool look like friggin’ choirboys.


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