Beers To Your Health

We’re all news junkies here at PTB so imagine our delight when we opened the RGJ today and found this article.


Now, we really don’t care how our skin looks. After all, we’re bloggers…zits, blackheads, boils and dry patches are our constant companions. But if one of the “super foods” to help skin look its best is barley…we’re in.


You see, barley is the main ingredient in beer…worshiped here at PTB as the “Goddess of Life.” Now when we toss back a couple of brews we won’t only be feeling the buzz of the alcohol…we’ll be feeling the buzz to better skin!


Here’s to your health!


(8.-)

ICE Caramba!!!

Last week was a bad week to be a brown-skinded brother or sister here in the 775.


Isn't it weird that John Law busted a bunch of EMPLOYED Latinos working for the most successful BLACK businessman in the area?


If the Fuzz really wanted to bust up major employment for illegals...they would have busted the casino or the construction industries. Problem is...they're all owned by Crackers.


(8.-)

An Army Of nOne

We don’t have enough troops in Afghanistan…


We don’t have enough troops in Iraq…


We don’t have enough money for either…


Hell, we don’t even have enough money to keep the government going.


Now they're blathering on about starting a war with Iran.


So when they tell you they care about you,


when they tell you they love America…THEY’RE LYING!


(8.-)

Friends In Low Places

Every time pResident Evil opens his pie hole the stench of his blather has us doing the Technicolor yawn. Yesterday Bush-2.0 was at the U.N. and he insisted that the world body "spread democracy" and referred to Fidel Castro as "a cruel dictator" The Cuban delegation promptly gave him the old ass-crack bye-bye salute and stormed out of the room. Good for them. What the hell does "GEE DUmB" know about democracy and freedom?



These guys are his friends...



These guys are his bestest buddies...



He's even friends with these rat-bastards.



We've told you once, we've told you a thousand times...The only thing that makes a country "evil" is if American businesses can't make money there.


(8.-)

Proud To Be A 'Merican?

Black is beautiful.

Don't sit under the whites tree.

Not in the Bayou.



Crackers in Jena

don't like you if you're colored.

They’re redneck morons.



In America

can a brother get a break?

No…too much hate here.




@:
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If It's Too Loud...You're Not Deaf Yet!

Another weekend, another festival here in the 775. This time it's Street Vibrations.


Every year the hogs, their riders and the men and women who love them descend on us like Mormon Crickets on a corn stalk...and every year the blue-plated blue hairs bitch and moan and complain about the noise.


Look, Street Vibrations brings a lot of money (and visitors) to the 775. If you don't like the noise, may we suggest you go visit the grandkids this weekend.


If you're staying, loosen up and have fun. After all, that's why we live here in the 775!


(8.-)

Recipie For Disaster

Wanna know how to make an anti-American-freedom-hating future terrorist?




It's EASY!!!




Just send a bunch of North Carolina rednecks into Iraq and let them kill whomever they want.




That's why they hate us.




Not our freedom...




Not our music...




No...they hate us because we're in their country killing civilians and every time we do...we make terrorists out of those who survive. We will be paying for this war for a VERY long time!!!


When they say they support our troops and they love America...THEY'RE LYING!!!!


@:
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Where In The Hell Is Carmen San Diego?

So, little Johnny can't tell the difference between Djibouti and a dipstick.


No child left behind...yeah right.


It's been happening for a long time now -- American kids getting fat, lazy and dumb.


We put the blame right where it belongs...with mummy and daddy. Looking at the parenting skills Americans show on a daily basis, it's no wonder we're getting our asses kicked in everything from algebra to zoology. America, the greatest country in the world? Hardly.


@:
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Baby You Can Drive My Car

Women want to drive in Sand-Diego?


INFIDELS!!!


While the Bush-Wipe is sucking commie ball-sack...


and his skronk is bawlin 'bout Burma...


This is how are allies behave.


If you let Muslim women drive cars...next thing you know they're wanting to cure cancer, solve global warming or bring about world peace.


At least Saudi women drive better than their male counterparts!


(8.-)

How Dumb do the Traitors Think We Are?

We'd been waiting all week to hear what GDP had to say. He lied. The Iraqi insurgents are beating on us like we stole something.


We watched last night as President Dumb-Ass went through the same half-truths and misconceptions that got us into this clusterfuck.


Let's clear up a few things...


Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.


The violence in Iraq is NOT subsiding.


And 37 countries may be in the "Coalition of the Willing" but SHEESH...Moldova? The only thing we're doing in Iraq is making more martyrs to come after us.


It took the Idiot-In-Chief sixteen minutes of his speech before he mentioned Afghanistan...you remember Afghanistan right? It's where OBL is hiding.


Speaking of the devil...hey Bush-Wipes...How is the hunt for the 9/11 mastermind going? Not too good we'll wager.


The Iraqis are kicking our ass the same way we kicked British Butt in 1776...


The same way the Viet-Nam-Ese handed us our hats in 1969...


The same way the Afghans put boot to butt on the Russians.


Any way you look at it...we're toast!


When they tell you they care about America...they're LYING!!!


(8.-)

Gettin' High With A Little Help From Our Friends

One of the things we love about livin’ here in the 775 is that we’ll race just about anything.

We race cars…


We race airplanes…


We race wiener dogs…


We race dromedaries…


Hell…we even race turd-holders.


But this weekend’s race is special. It’s officially called the “Great Reno Balloon Race”. Here at PTB we call it “Hot Air Up There”. It’s in the top ten of all-time greatest cheap, romantic dates. If you can’t get laid taking your sweetie to GRBR/HAUT…you’re just not tryin’ hard enough. So, enjoy the festivities, have a great weekend and give your sweetie a kiss from us!


(8.-)

Finding Nemo

We’ve got nothing but love and respect for Steve Fossett.


Hell, anyone who can circumnavigate the whole friggin’ globe in a lousy balloon sports huevos rancheros grande.


But we have to ask. If you, dear reader, were the one missing, do you think they’d have seven planes, three helicopters, a boat and hundreds of people out there pounding the bush looking for your sorry ass? No.


Hell, if they looked for OBL with this much firepower, we’d have him by now.


It just proves PTB’s ongoing point. If you’re rich in this country, you get a LOT better treatment from the government-cheese than if you’re poor.


(8.-)

Tri-Ku

Worlds Greatest Country
doesn't spend to cure disease.
Thank God for comics.




World's Greatest Country
spends time and money to kill
the enemies of God.




If we're the greatest
country in this whole wide world,
why do they hate us?




( 8.-)

Homo-crite Says What?

Here at PTB, we love our GLBT sisters, brothers and others. What a sad, boring place America would be without 'em.



Which brings us to the "Party of Family Values"...




Gay




Fag


Queer



Homo



Peter Puffer



Flamer



Fudge-Packer



BuFu



Fruit



Swishy



and just for our brown-skinnded GLBT's...




Maricones.





At least the Democrats don't pretend to be holier than thou. It's the height of hypocracy to claim God is on your side and being gay is bad and then going out and looking for turd-blossoms in airport bathrooms.



When they say they love America...they're lying.


When they day they want to protect Americans and our way of life...they're lying!!!



(8.-)

Theirs Not To Reason Why, Theirs But To Do And Die

The title is from A,LT's ditty "Charge of the Light Brigade."...the "soldier's creed."





A soldier does not question. A soldier does as told...or dies trying.





Good thing they got the AmLeg.

Three Q's for the pResident while he's hangin' in the 775:

1. Are we safer now than we were six years ago?

2. WTF with Walter Reed ???

and...

3. How are we gonna pay for all thishit?

One challenge to the AmLeg...

Grunt up the Huevos Rancheros and speak truth to power...

"How long have you been a retarded pResident?" isn't the right Q.

WTF? is.

Ps. We ARE bangin' your wife...

(8.-)

The Faith of A Mustard Seed

So...Mo-T had a "crisis of faith"...SHEESH...ya think?



Have you SEEN the world out there?



Hatemongers disguised as Christians...



Warlords disguised as Christians...



Moneychangers disguised as Christians...



Death Metal musicians disguised as Christians...


Politicians disguised as Christians...



Jesus must be spinning in his grave!



(8.-)

Travesty at Sweet Leaf High

Uh oh…another high-profile pot bust. Yeah...it's not like anyone is surprised that a D.J. would toke a spliff.

You’d think that LyCo-911 would have bigger fish to fry than dope smokin’ hippies...Guess not.

Here at PTB, it puzzles us how you can come home from a hard day’s work and relax by:

Slammin’ a dozen Tequila shooters,

smokin’ a pack of Camels and...

poppin’ a handful of ‘scripted V’s ...but god FORBID you twist up a blunt.

Have you read your Bible?

Do you know who John D. Rockefeller was?

Have you ever heard of "Hemp For Victory"?

At least, Travis T. didn't go all hypocritical on us like Walter Floyd.

When they say they love America...They're LYING!!!!!

(8.-)

Fair Weather

Allright, allright…yeah, we’ve been a little negative here at PTB lately. But, SHEESH, have you SEEN some of the things goin’ on out there? YIKES!


Anyway…


We’re gonna keep it light today ‘cause one of our faves kicks off its 133rd year here in the 775. That’s right, the Nevada State Fair.


Wanna cheap date? Head off to the cooking competitions where audience members get to eat what the judges didn’t.


Then head over to the Tilt-A-Whirl and learn what a bulimic feels like.


Got a need for speed? Check out the drag racing wiener dogs.


The fair is one of the best things about the 775…so go out there and have fun!

(8.-)

Don't Bend Over In The Shower Mike!

He copped a plea.


You don't cop a plea unless you're at least a little guilty.


What Michael Vick did to his dogs is unconscionable...no...that's too nice of a term. What he did was flat out BSC.


Your dog loves you no matter what kind of prick you are.


Hitler's dog loved him and he was a MAJOR asshole


Dick's dog loves him and he's a HUGE dick.


Even Michael Vick's dogs loved him. How did he return that unconditional love? Like the rat-bastard he is. Hey Michael...enjoy the Gray Bar Motel. You're getting a WAY better fate than your dogs.


(8.-)

Hear No Evil...See No Evil...Speak No Evil

In a new survey, The Project for Excellence in Journalism found that coverage of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars has dropped significantly. Network evening news scaled back more than 40 percent while cable news coverage of the war dropped 39 percent.

One quick question: WTF could be a more important story than American men and women fighting and dying for a lost cause in an unjust war?

Oh…that’s right.

When they tell you they love America…they’re LYING!

(8.-)

Homeland Insecurity

Certainly, we're no fans of the Department of Homeland Security here at PTB. They do read this blog occasionally and for that we're flattered. But we think the whole operation is un-American, wasteful and, quite frankly, more than a little creepy.

Check it:


The government-cheese has handed out more than$46 billion to police and fire departments around the country since 2001. That's a LOT of scratch.


Newark, NJ got $250,000 for new, air-conditioned garbage trucks.


Madisonville, TX got $30,000 for a custom trailer to be used as an emergency center during its annual Mushroom Festival.


Washington, DC got $100,000 to send sanitation workers to a Dale Carnegie course.

and now this...

Our tax dollars are being spent by DHS on something called "Project Hostile Intent". Basically, it's the use of involuntary facial and speech signals captured on video to identify people "involved in possible malicious or deceitful acts" -- before they ever commit the crime!!!

A couple of questions:

Since when has it become illegal to think of something illegal? Are they gonna send someone to Gitmo for thinkin' about poppin' a cap in a Bush-Wipe?

If DHS can't accurately screen for weapons when you're standing in the friggin airport scanner...how well do you think their "facial expression recognition" software is gonna work?


When they say they love America...they're LYING.

When they say they want to protect Americans...they're LYING.


@:
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Homeland Security

This isn't a hero.

Neither is this...or this.

Do you know what mobile homes are made of? Cardboard & kerosine. Running into a burning trailer to save the occupants trapped inside is the ultimate heroic act.

You don't need a hundred billion dollar boondoggle to keep you safe. Just your neighbor. THAT'S why we love livin' in the 775.

NJR...Salut.

We can only hope to give as good an account when it's our turn.

@:
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Hot August Frights

Were you there? No. Of course you weren't. NO ONE WAS!


Saturday night in downtown was emptier than the space between WPE's ears!


There were more WMD's in Iraq than there were tourists in downtown Reno!


It was so quiet downtown that you could hear a pin drop. But if you were the one dropping the pin, Reno 911 would have perp-walked you to the hoosegow for "Gang Related Activity".


So...the chicken-shit, pink-assed crackers that are the powers that be in the 775 got their wish. No Saturday night cruise. The blowback of it all is that in 20 years, the same brown-skinded brothers you chased off will be HAN'ers themselves...only they won't be coming to Reno...that's 'cause they weren't welcome here in 2007.


It's a travesty.

(8.-)

Cooling Off Hot August Nights

So, Reno 911 wants to stop crime during Hot August Nights…an admirable goal.

So whadda they do?

They log on to Craig’s List to bust the EVIL HO’s!!!!

WORST CRIMINAL ACTIVITY EVER!!!!!

No, they didn’t bust Crystal darkness, OBL or Dick... they popped EVIL HO's!!!

Finding hookers on Craig’s list easier than finding an anal-retentive, perverted cracker in the Republican party.

Wanna get the real HAN bad guys? Run A DUI checkpoint on South Virginia street.

It's hypocritical because 30 miles away you CAN pay for sex…


When they say they're here to "serve and protect"...THEY'RE LYING!!!


@:
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She Took My Flag but Gave Me A Hummer

The last thing we’d ever associate with patriotism is a Hummer. They’re nothing more than road-hogging, gas guzzling, penis extensions.


But the owner of Towbin Hummer down in the 702 says that’s just what his 100 foot flag is there for…to show how much of a patriot he is. Others contend he’s using Old Glory to sell more cars.


We here at PTB have to ask…what is more patriotic than raw capitalism? Besides…here in the 775 our biggest flag is flying over an adult bookstore!

(8.-)