Thursday Thought Burbles

Yesterday we popped a cap in another Al Qaeda leader in the Af/Pak war. Question: How many "leaders" does Al Qaeda have? It seems every time we drone someone, we either kill innocent civilians or an Al Qaeda "leader." Dude was probably OBL’s limo driver. Oh wait…we’ve already Gitmo-ed that guy.

Saw skeevy Rep. Eric Cantor on television yesterday…spoutin’ on about how “Obamacare” is gonna ruin the country. Nothing new from that lie-hole. But what got me was that Cantor was wearin’ an orange tie…on ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!! Yo Eric…in my hood, wearin’ orange on St. Patrick’s day will get a cap popped right between your eyes. Better not come Teabagging here in the 775 wearin’ that crap. True dat.

While listening to yesterday’s Nevada v Wichita State men’s basketball game on the radio Ryan Radtke, the play-by-play guy, skidmarked his Underoos when this dunk happened. POSTERIZATION!!! Gotta love those radio announcers. Speaking of Wichita State…y'all know what a "Shocker" is? Do y'all realize what a “SHOCKER” is? Aye caramba!

And finally…in a Rhode Island school, they found an effigy of President Obama hanging in a classroom. Seems peeps were cheesed-off when the ‘Bamer applauded the firing of teachers in the underperforming school. Here’s the crux of the biscuit: President Obama didn't fire those teachers. President Obama didn't make those schools into "failing" schools. President Obama applauded holding teachers accountable. Is that a "hang the guy in effigy" offense? No. And to the teacher that said the effigy was part of a lesson plan, I say to you...no wonder your schools are failing. But don't worry…you can always come on out to the 775. We’ve got room for the likes of you. True story.

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Girl-Hatin'

It's time that I rain on your parade
Watch as all your hopes explode to landmines
You ask for help but people turn away

You're living so far away from the truth
That you're believing in your own lies
It's no surprise that you sleep at night
Drowning in your prize

You made him feel so welcome
Make him forget about
The poison running through his veins
You may say that you love him
Now lie in the mess you've made

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

It's time I get a few things straight with you
You haven't been in for the whole time
Your stories, like your lifestyle, distorted, yeah

You're living so far away from the truth
That you're leaving me with no choice
But to put you back in your place
With every sentence

You made him feel so wanted
You make him feel that there is
Nothing more beyond your door
You may say that you love him
Now tell me what the love shit's for

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her

I hope that this isn't a sign
Of things to come
I'll kill myself for blaming you
Please tell me now
Is this a sign of things to come?

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down

Don't let her
Don't let her pull you down
Don't let her

It's time that I rain on your parade

Mama Mia

Here at PTB we surely love the Catholics. Heck-fire, without them, the only Christian denominations we could make fun of would be the Baptists…and the Mormons. That being said, this week the Vatican contends that their priestly celibacy stance is not the root cause of the sex abuse scandal. WTF? Is the Pope on drugs? Hey Ratz…listen to me now and believe me later. I agree…requiring priests be celibate did not…I repeat…did not lead to the molestation of all those millions of kids. Priests not following the celibacy order is what caused it. I mean, if you can't keep your pecker in your smock, what's the use? Funny how the more “holy” people claim to be, the more sordid and fucked up they tend to be. True story.

Finally today…ABBA, among others, is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of fame today. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…if you have a R&RHOF and Rush is not part of that hallowed group…y’all ain’t nuthin’ but poseurs. ABBA? Fucking ABBA? Shit…those cracker-assed-Swedish-crackers wouldn’t know rock and roll if it bit ‘em on their polyester bell bottoms. No Rush = No Respect.

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Hit List

Nothing better than bein' in Glen Beck's doghouse. It's also nice to see myself on television and it isn't my mugshot. True story.

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Haim Highs and Lo-Hans

Former child star Corey Haim took a dirt nap last night and everyone seems caught off guard. Let me get this straight...he becomes rich and famous beyond imagination at a very young age, throws it all away on alcohol and drugs and nasty-assed monkey sex with groupies and y'all are surprised? The only thing surprising about this story is that it didn't happen earlier.

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over their Super Bowl commercial. L2’s lawyers say that the use of the name Lindsay in the spot is a direct reference to her because “many celebrities are known by one name only.” They’re right. Madonna…Cher…Pele and the like are so famous they are known by one name. Lindsay Lohan? Fuckin’-A lady…no one over the age of thirty or under the age of twenty-five even know who the hell you are. This smells like a frivolous lawsuit brought by an egocentric publicity hound. Yo LoLo…don’t quit your day job. That is, if you even have one. Hope you saved your money, toots!

And lastly today. A new poll out says that most Americans believe God is involved in their everyday lives and is concerned with their personal well-being. Really? Isn’t this the 21^st Century? Look guys. If there was an Invisible Man in the Sky who gave a schnizzle about your personal well-being, don’t you think he’d lower your cholesterol, drop those extra pounds, get you a better paying job and stop that Kenyan-born, socialist, Marxist, fascist, secret Muslim from passing healthcare? He sure would. But since there isn’t…He won’t. Get over it folks…we’re all on our own and there’s nothing that JZeus’ Dad can, or will, do about it.

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Thinking Biscuits

I don’t get it…on Monday a Toyota Prius, as they are wont to do, sped out of control over in Cali. Now the Feds are launching not one, but two investigations into the incident. Number of people killed? None. Meanwhile, Dr. Evil has admitted to okaying the torture of people in American custody but I haven’t heard a peep out of the Obama Administration. People killed? Unknown. But it surely smells like the ‘Bamer and his peeps have no stomach for a fight against the tighty-righties. Pussies.

Kay Bailey Hutchison and other members of Congress want to keep the space shuttle fleet flying. Worst. Idea. Ever. The shuttle is a piece of shit. It’s been called a brick with wings. It is a deathtrap. Don’t believe me? Just check out this story…from 1980! Why can’t America’s space program get off the fuckin’ couch and get with a program rather than trying to re-live the past like some melancholy, heartbroken schoolgirl? Yo usa...Look out behind you. Here come the Chinese!

And finally…”experts” say that raising taxes on sodas and pizza will raise a lot of money and take a lot of weight off of fat-assed Americans. Maybe, but here are two arguments: 1. Just ‘cause someone is a couple of pounds over “ideal” doesn’t make him/her obese or even unhealthy. Besides, this is a free country (isn’t it?). If someone chooses to be heavy, is it the Government’s job to tax ‘em into skinniness? No. And 2. If you’re gonna tax sugary drinks and pizzas ‘cause they’re bad for you…why stop there? Too much television is (allegedly) bad for you too. No extra taxes there. Too much stress is bad for you too. Any extra taxes there? Nope. Here’s the crux of the biscuit…if you tax a certain segment of the population ‘cause their lifestyles are anti-productive, WTF the first thing you cut out of school budgets is P.E.? True story.

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