Monday, August 11, 2008

Musings From a Weekend in Beijing

WOW! That opening ceremony made the Wizard of Oz look like a crappy, low-budget 1970’s porn flick. Our first thought of the OC was “Don’t mess with China!”

When the organizers of London’s 2012 opening ceremony saw what the Chinese did, they promptly upchucked haggis all over their designer suits. The only way London’s OC could top Beijing’s is if they stage a full-scale reenactment of the Battle of Waterloo. Good luck with that.

Did you see Bush-Wipe at the OC? At one point he was looking restless and bored…much like an OCD 10-year-old sitting through a church service. All of a sudden he started using his little American Flag like a drumstick…tapping it on his leg in time to the music. Nice job Chimp-Dick. And you wanted a Constitutional Amendment to outlaw flag burning? You are a failure, an embarrassment and a hypocrite! You cannot be gone soon enough.

Last thing about the OC. Did you see the Hungarian team make their entrance? Their unis looked like they just came out of a paintball game!

Throughout the Olympics we’re seeing a lot of commercials from the Home Depot. The HD touts all the Oly athletes that work for ‘em. That made us think…Home Depot must have the baddest company softball team in the world!

Olympic drinking games. You’ve gotta drink whenever... 1. You hear the Olympic anthem. 2. You hear the Olympic fanfare. 3. Bob Costas says something that makes you cringe (for professional drinkers only). 4. China wins gold. That last one is a flash back to McDonalds’ 1984 debacle.

We’ve seen a lot of hottie Chinese women so far in this Oly. You’ve gotta think that the downloading of Asian porn has quadrupled in the last few days.

So, Kerri Walsh’s wedding ring flew off during a match yesterday. See, we told you we had telekinetic powers. Too bad they only work on jewelry and not clothing.

Gold, silver and bronze in Women’s Saber all went to Americans. WOO HOO!!! Never thought we’d see that in our lifetimes. After the medal ceremony the girls went over to get congratulations from former President Bush. One of the fencers started to cry and what did GHWB do? He pulled his snot rag out of his back pocket and gave it to her so she could dry her sniffles. Made us wanna hurl.

ANYWAY…we’ve got 13 more glorious days of Olympics still to come. If the first three days were any indication, we’re all in for one helluva ride.

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