Monday, June 1, 2009


Here at PTB we love us some Pope. That dude has got to be the baddest motherhubbard on the planet. Why? Who else could swear off sex and walk around all day in a robe, a mitre and ruby red slippers without everyone thinking he’s gay? Nobody. But what the Pontiff said over the weekend got us thinkin’ ‘bout the third Commandment – “Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain.”

Now, most people are taught that the third Commandment means you can’t say “Goddamnit.” PTB readers know that’s not what we were taught. We were taught that taking the Lord’s name in vain meant assigning God’s intentions to human actions. Y’all know what we’re talkin’ ‘bout…

Athletes sayin’ how God helped ‘em win a championship

or, politicians spoutin’ off about how God blesses America…

and criminals makin’ excuses for their deeds by sayin’ God made ‘em do it.

Listen folks, the Invisible Man in the Sky could give a rat’s ass who wins the Super Bowl…America is NOT His favorite country and no matter how BSC you are, He did NOT tell you to kill someone. Which brings us to Gentle Ben.

Saturday, in a humble moment, The Pontiff said he found it hard to understand why the Lord would have picked him to be Pope. Well…we’ve got news for ya Big Ben…God didn’t pick you to be Pope…a bunch of Catholic Bishops elected you Pope. JZeus’ dad doesn’t give a flyin’ fig who runs the Catholic church. Zero. However we do find it strange that you think God really does sit around Heaven pickin’ winners and losers down here like it was all one big parlay card of life. Dude… you either don’t have a good grasp of the third Commandment or your mitre must be on too tight.


No comments: