Fascist Food Nation

It’s true…Republicans have officially become the party of Beavis and Butthead. During the campaign, tighty-righties called Barry-O everything from a communist to a socialist. Boogityboogityboogity! Anyone with half a brain pan or access to the Google can do a little research and find out it was all bullshit. No substance, no facts to back up their claims, just name calling. Boogityboogityboogity! So it’s no surprise that there’s a brand new buzzword for the tin foil hat crowd – FASCIST! Boogityboogityboogity!

From Merriam Webster: Fascism: (noun) A political philosophy that exalts nation and often stands for centralized, autocratic, often militaristic government.

From Wikipedia: Fascists advocate the creation of a single-party state. They believe that nations and races are in perpetual conflict whereby only the strong can survive by…asserting themselves in combat against the weak. Fascist governments forbid and suppress criticism and opposition to the government. Fascism opposes class conflict and blames capitalist liberal democracies for creating class conflict and in turn blames communists for exploiting class conflict.

After reading the above definitions, we came to the conclusion that the ‘Bamer and his policies are not fascist. But those policies did remind us of someone else. Hmmm…



Single party state: Remember Karl Rove saying Republicans would rule the Uso’A for a hundred years? We do.


Assertion by combat against the weak: After 9/11, what’d we do? War with Iraq 2.0. Ummm…didn’t we kick their asses into bolivia back in the early ‘90’s? Yup.


Forbid and suppress criticism against the government: Remember flag pins and when Chimp-Dick said, “You’re either with us or against us.” We remember that too.




You see…we were living under a fascist regime for eight years thanks to the Bush-Wipes. They did things their way and rolled the country right over a cliff. Now that they’re out of power, they wanna re-write history to paint progressives as being the fascists. Believe this…when a republican runs for office and tells you he wants to help you and that he loves America…he’s lying…and a fascist.




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Why Teabaggers Can Bite Me

They're not chanting "Beat L.A!

They're not chanting "WOLF!..."PACK!"

They're not chanting "Boston Sucks!"

No, this is the kind of stuff that unites Americans. Something you bass-ackward, hatemongering, hypocritical, fascist, racist, xenophobic, soccer-hatin', can't spell, cracker-assed crackers know nothing about.

Yanks v Black Stars tomorrow at 11a. 'Til then...a little something to make you realize we are all Sam's Army. Courtesy of Robby Donoho. WOOT!

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Why WE Fight

A lot of our friends on the right side of the aisle read PTB and call us “Commie-Pinko Socialists.” Our friends on the left side of the aisle read PTB and call us fascist. Actually, it’s neither. What we try to do here, is find the right in all the wrongs and point ‘em both out. Today, however, it’s just the wrong.

We can all agree…

Hitler was a prick…

Saddam Hussein was a prick with a slightly bigger porn 'stache…

Manuel Noriega was a fat prick with bad skin…

And Agusto Pinochet was a South American prick extraordinaire.

What does that have to do with us?



The ‘Bamer’s Administration announced today that they’re not gonna prosecute CIA agents involved in torturing captives at Gitmo. WTF is up with that? It used to be that the USo’A had the moral high ground to pronounce judgments on rat-bastards like Hitler et al., but not anymore. Now we’ve joined the ranks of the pricks too because America TORTURES people!



Now, before y’all go red white and blue in the face about this, just think of this…


Many Americans consider this a “Christian” nation (mostly our Christians but that’s the crux of a different biscuit). What we’re getting at is this: If America is indeed a Christian nation, WTF are we doing torturing people? Although a better question might be…Does the Invisible Man in the Sky condone torture? No, he doesn’t. But America tortures and lets the perps get away with it. That kind of attitude makes us just the same as the bat-shit crazy motherhubbards mentioned above. Christian nation? Hell no. And every time someone says we are, JZeus starts spinning in His grave.



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Freeballin' Friday

Since tomorrow is Flag Day, it got us to thinkin’…if you make flag burning illegal, how then are you gonna get rid of old flags?

Speakin’ of flags…according to this website, it is NOT illegal to fly the flag of another country instead of the American flag. So to the fascist redneck who cut down the brother’s Mexican flag last year…you’re not a patriot, you’re an ass so STFU!


John McCain was a Marine. The U.S. Marine Corps creed is that “No one gets left behind.” Funny…he kicked his first wife to the curb ‘cause she got majorly messed up…way to show your loyalty bub.


The SCOTUS ruled yesterday that prisoners in Gitmo have the same rights as American citizens. The tiughty-righties are blowing a gasket. We got one thing to say to all y’all right-wing nutjobs…ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. True dat.


Chimp-dick has taken the oath of office twice and been in this gig for more than seven years. You’d think he’d know what his job description is. Nope. Yesterday the pResident regurgitated the tired old line that his job is to “protect the American people”. Wrong Bush-wipe. We don’t need your sorry ass protecting us. No, your job is to uphold the Constitution. So far, you’ve done piss-poor work.


Ron Paul ended his run for the presidency yesterday. Too bad. He’s the only real “change” candidate in the field. The American political landscape is a little less bright without Dr. Paul.


When Barack and Michelle Obama fist-bumped a couple of days ago, we said to ourselves “That’s never been done in American presidential politics.” The tighty-righties are calling it the “terrorist fist jab”. We were wrong, it has happened before. But no one'll call that one a terrorist fist bump.

Back here in the 775…a county employee is accused of stealing 2.2 MILLION dollars from the water department. They say he has a gambling problem. That is a crappy excuse. Gambling didn’t make you a thief. Gambling didn’t turn you into a liar and a cheat. You did all that on your own.


One more note on the H2OMG…most people can’t get out of work with a pilfered pen. WTF was management doing that they didn’t see 2.2 MILLION dollars missing? It’s not like the dude could walk out with it in his pants.


And finally…the University of Nevada lost a stud yesterday when Matt LaGrone transferred to Oregon State to play football. LaGrone says he was promised that he could play both football and basketball for the Wolf Pack after his sophomore year. Guess not. Coach Fox and A.D. Groth said he couldn’t. We ask…Why not? C’mon…if the kid is good enough to play…let him. Oh well. Can anyone remember a span of time in Wolf Pack athletic history that had so many firings, transfers, suspensions and generally bad behavior? From what we’re told, the morale up on the hill is in the drink. So too, it seems, may be Nevada athletics. We shall soon see.

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Haim Highs and Lo-Hans

Former child star Corey Haim took a dirt nap last night and everyone seems caught off guard. Let me get this straight...he becomes rich and famous beyond imagination at a very young age, throws it all away on alcohol and drugs and nasty-assed monkey sex with groupies and y'all are surprised? The only thing surprising about this story is that it didn't happen earlier.

Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade over their Super Bowl commercial. L2’s lawyers say that the use of the name Lindsay in the spot is a direct reference to her because “many celebrities are known by one name only.” They’re right. Madonna…Cher…Pele and the like are so famous they are known by one name. Lindsay Lohan? Fuckin’-A lady…no one over the age of thirty or under the age of twenty-five even know who the hell you are. This smells like a frivolous lawsuit brought by an egocentric publicity hound. Yo LoLo…don’t quit your day job. That is, if you even have one. Hope you saved your money, toots!

And lastly today. A new poll out says that most Americans believe God is involved in their everyday lives and is concerned with their personal well-being. Really? Isn’t this the 21^st Century? Look guys. If there was an Invisible Man in the Sky who gave a schnizzle about your personal well-being, don’t you think he’d lower your cholesterol, drop those extra pounds, get you a better paying job and stop that Kenyan-born, socialist, Marxist, fascist, secret Muslim from passing healthcare? He sure would. But since there isn’t…He won’t. Get over it folks…we’re all on our own and there’s nothing that JZeus’ Dad can, or will, do about it.

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Baby You Can Drive My Car

Apparently, he’s a bad guy. He’s been languishing in a gulag, without trial for seven years. The fascist government holding him finally rounded up a kangaroo court and put him on trial. Hearsay was admitted as evidence. His statements, made under duress, were allowed as evidence. His name is Salim Hamdan. Was he an enemy combatant? No. He was caught at a checkpoint in Afghanistan. Was he linked to 9/11? No. Was he a terrorist? No. The jury said he wasn’t. So, what was his crime? He was found guilty of being Osama Bin Laden’s driver.

Seven years in Gitmo and all the brother did was chauffer OBL’s hoopty. Is this what WPE meant when he said military commissions will only deal with the “worst of the worst”? Is this the highest level terrorist we could come up with? And we’ve gotta ask: Can you really go to jail merely because your boss was a prick and you knew it? Hell, if that’s the case, anyone working under the Bush-Wipes, the Donald or at WalMart could be Git-moed too.

The crux of today’s biscuit is simple: If they can hold someone without due process for seven years because he’s labeled an “enemy combatant”, who says they won’t do it to any of us?

Greatest country in the world? Hardly. Worst government in American history? Hell yes.

One last note: If GWB gets popped for war crimes...what happens to the pilot of Air Force One? Just asking.

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That Sinking Feeling

If anyone wonders why trust in American news organizations and journalists is at an all-time low, look no further than the stories in the last 12 hours about the tsunami that hit American Samoa. More than three-quarters of the stories I read referred to it as a “tidal wave.” Do you wonder if we trail most of the rest of the industrialized world in math and science? There’s the proof.



Speaking of H20…neighbors of George H.W. Bush honored him today by giving him a Navy anchor and a plaque. They say it’s a way to thank Bush for his service as president and for being a good neighbor. Gee, I thought the anchor was a metaphor for what his chimp-dick of a son did to the economy, our standing in the world, to our armed forces, to poor people and to everyone not related to a big-time bank, insurance company or lobbying firm. WPE sunk us all and now we risk sleeping with the fishes.




And finally, closer to home. The U.S. Census Bureau just released a report on how Nevada spent money during the time before the recession (can anyone remember back that far?). It said that when the Silver State was flush with cash, they didn’t save it, they spent it. They didn’t spend it on the poor…or on education…or the sick…or the elderly. Nope. When Nevada had lots of tax money they spent it on...more cops. Aye caramba! That’s the Nevada spirit. It’s what we’ve always needed…more jackbooted, fascist thugs patrolling our roads and parks and buildings looking for shopkeepers selling alcohol to elderly looking 20-year-old decoys and bustin' burners for smokin' the sticky-icky. What a waste.



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Persian Missile Crisis

King George warned us about the “pussification of America.” Ike warned us about the “military-industrial complex.” Here’s an example of both:

Yesterday, a charter member of the “Axis of Evil” tested a couple of missiles. Poor little things. They’ve got a range as far as a Hummer on half tank of gas and can’t carry anything heavier than a supermodel’s butt cheek but the tighty-righties are goin’ ballistic (pun intended) over the perceived threat to Israel. Well folks, it’s all crap.

Full disclosure: We here at PTB love us some Persians. When we were matriculating up at THE University of Nevada, there were more Iranian exchange students per capita than any other college in the USofA. Besides, have you seen their women? Aye Caramba! Anyway…


It seems that the Bush-Wipes are skid marking their Underoos in an attempt to get a missile defense shield up and working in Eastern Europe. They’re so scared right now you can hear their teeth chattering and they’re trying to scare the bejeezus out of the rest of America too. Why? ‘Cause when the bad guys rattle a few sabers, the majority of Americans start whimpering like lost puppies. Friggin’ wusses.

Face the facts folks, Iran is gonna get nukes and we can’t stop ‘em. How do we know? Our military is FUBAR, we’ve got no scratch and our worldwide cred hangs at the same level as Burkina Faso. Besides, what gives us the right to tell another country that they can’t have nuclear energy/nuclear weapons? You say that the Iranians are state-sponsors of terror? Ask a Nicaraguan or a Venezuelan or an Angolan what superpower funds THEIR terrorists. You got it…we do. So much for the high moral ground.

You say we need to protect Israel? You’re kidding, right? Israel doesn’t need our protection. Hell, they’ve got one of the top armies in the world. They’re loaded with battle-hardened vets and state-of-the-art weapons systems. If Iran wants to pick a fight with Israel, they’ll get their asses handed to ‘em. Just ask Syria, Egypt and Jordan. SPANK! Israel v. Iran would look a lot like Hagler v. Hearns (Iran being Tommy Hearns). No Israel will be just fine on her own.

No, the reason the neo-con fascist turd blossoms are making such a stink is so they can put more and more of your hard-earned money into the pockets of Raytheon, Halliburton, General Dynamics and the rest of their corporate buddies. So while they let healthcare and education and infrastructure rot to shit, their fat-cat buddies roll in the dough. All the while, Americans follow like sheep. Like King George said, “As long as Americans have cell phones that can make pancakes, they don’t give a shit about the rest of the world.” Sad but true.

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Ace Hole

The story says that Nevada is among the worst states in the entire USo’A in the enforcement of payment of child support. Figures. How can you expect Reno-911 to be out there perp-walkin’ deadbeat dads when they’re so busy hasslin’ burners for burnin’, kids on skateboards and shopkeepers sellin’ hooch to 20-year-olds? SHEESH!


President Obama gave a speech to the nation’s youth today and the tighty-righties have their Underoos in a bunch. They say it is an indoctrination of our children into the ‘Bamer’s fascist ideology. Hey chucklenuts, if you actually could spell well enough to look up the word “fascism,” you’d know how BSC y’all sound for sayin’ it. Besides…could anything be worse for kids than My Pet Goat? Losers.


Obama advisor and “Green Czar” Van Jones resigned over the weekend ‘cause he said that the government-cheese was involved in 9/11 and he called republicans “assholes.” Well, he wears the kind of tinfoil hat that lets him believe that the Bush-Wipes could plan anything correctly, maybe he should have resigned. But calling republicans assholes…ummm…Didn’t Dick call a fellow member of the Senate a “fucker”? Oh yeah…and Dick is the one who still thinks Iraq had something to do with 9/11. Democrats say dumb things and have to resign…republicans say (and do) dumb things and they’re promoted to the head of the party. Be afraid tighty-righties…2010 is right around the corner and y’all are gonna get smoked like a Cuban cigar. Aye caramba!


And finally, a mea culpa. That’s right. I was wrrr…wrrr….wrong. Earlier this year I predicted that the Reno Aces were gonna fall flat on their, well…aces. Boy did I screw the pooch on that one. All summer long the Aces drew decent crowds, played pretty exciting baseball and proved the old adage…”When PTB makes his predictions, get rich by betting the other way.” True dat.

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Chain Letter

We get e-mails like this on a consistent basis. Today, a reply. The original letter is in bold white type. The red type is all PTB.

The author, Lou Pritchett is a well-known public speaker who retired after a successful 36-year career as the VP World Sales for Proctor and Gamble.



AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA
Dear President Obama: Well, at least he got the intro right.

You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike any of the others, you truly scare me. This is what I call the “pussification of America.” C’mon, chickenshit…Obama is scarier than the Bush-Wipe?

You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you. Obviously, this douchebag doesn’t get cable T.V., or magazine subscriptions, or read the newspaper, or how to work the Google machine. Know nothing is right.

You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support. It’s called a student loan. It’s called a scholarship. And since he was a practicing attorney when he got out of law school…that should give you a clue as to where he got his money. Unlike George W. Bush who got his Ivy League education and all his money from his daddy!

You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American. WTF does that mean? America is the melting pot of ALL cultures. That’s what makes this country great! Who cares where he spent his “formative years?”

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. George Bush ran the Texas Rangers baseball club, with an unlimited payroll and managed no better than fourth place. EVER! Yup, that dude was a real winner. BTW…Reagan, Eisenhower and Kennedy didn’t run companies before they were elected President either.

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core. Three words regarding Obama’s lack of military service – George Fucking Bush. And don’t tell me playing hooky with the Texas National Guard is “military service.” Besides, look what the right-wing nut jobs did to John Kerry for serving in the military. BTW…Dr. Evil (aka Dick Cheney) took more than thirteen deferments to get out of serving his country. Pussy.

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others. Humility? Ummm…when the ‘Bamer went to Europe and apologized for the Bush years, y’all crucified him for being humble. Now you want humility? SHEESH! As far as class…c’mon…did you see Bush manhandle Angela Merkel at the ’07 G8? That Texas huckleberry is a walking faux pas. As far as blaming others…has ANYONE in the Bush administration taken responsibility for 9/11? Iraq? Afghanistan? The economy? Nope.

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail. Reverend Wright was just saying what a lot of other people are thinking. You want radical extremists? Governor Bobby Jindal performed a fucking EXORCISM on a girl when he was in college. Sarah Palin’s preacher man believes in witches and ghosts. Talk about radicals…YIKES!

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad. You could construe that as humility…we went over that a couple of lines ago.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector. The government dominates the military, the police, who I can fuck, who I can marry, what I can smoke or snort. We’ve been living in a socialist nation for a long time now…y’all just don’t see it.

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government-controlled one. America is the only industrialized nation in the world without universal healthcare. Does the system we have now work? $50 for an aspirin should give you the answer.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. Oil, coal and shale mess up the environment. They are high-pollution emitters. This troglodyte puts quotes around “windmills” like wind power, or solar power are stupid.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world. Highest standard in the world? Hardly. Been to the Lower Ninth Ward in the N.O. lately? How 'bout oakland? Detroit? American capitalists are the ones who got us into this mess. The banks, the oil companies…look at all the war profiteering going on in Iraq and Afghanistan…yeah right…American capitalists…model citizens. Just take a look at Bernie Madoff if you want a clear picture of an American capitalist. Loser.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations. Fuck extorting them…let ‘em fail. But don’t forget Chimp-Dick giving $800 BILLION, no strings attached, no oversight money to the banks. The rich helping their rich friends. BTW…after seeing some of those AIG parties, the motherfuckers don’t need extortion…they need jail time!

You scare me because your own political party shrinks from challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals. Here we go again…the federal government grew bigger under George W. Bush and the republican revolutionaries in the House and Senate than at any other time in history. Bush came in with a surplus…he left with the biggest deficit ever. Was this chucklehead ever “scared” of George Bush? Nope…but he shoulda been.

You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider opposing points of view from intelligent people. The tighty-righties believe in intelligent design, they’re against stem cell research and believe in an Invisible Man in the Sky. They think tax cuts for the rich are the answer to all of life’s problems. Intelligence is not their strong suit.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient. When did he tell you that? How do you know? This motherfucker is baggin’ on the ‘Bamer for being cocky? Arrogant? WTF? Doesn’t he remember, “Mission Accomplished” and “You’re either with us, or against us?” Talk about a pompous ass. BTW…Bush says history will prove him a great president. Not. Gonna. Happen.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do. For the last month left wing, radical media outlets like MSNBC and CNN have badgered Obama over the fact he isn’t gonna prosecute those who sullied our international reputation by allowing torture. Just last night Obama was on Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Person in the World” list. Free Pass? The media was lickin’ Bush’s nut sack after 9/11 and didn’t start in on him ‘til 2007. Speaking of the media givin’ Barry-O a free ride, turn on Faux News Channel for ten minutes. You’ll see what I mean.


You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view. How does he want to do that? Obama famously said he wanted to reach across the aisle to work with republicans. So far, not one republican has voted for one Obama idea. The party of hate. The party of fear. The party of no. Obama doesn’t demonize those slathering lie-holes…I do. BTW…if the conservative viewpoint is “I hope the President fails,” then conservatives are all traitors.
You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing. Who controlled media access to returning dead soldiers? Who spied on INNOCENT Americans without warrants? Who kidnapped people off the streets and sent them to countries for torture? C’mon…you know it was George Bush.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years. Lou…I’m gonna be blunt here…you’re a fuckin’ moron. You’re a hate-mongering, gay bashing, fascist, without a new idea in your entire brainpan. There is one area of this letter where I agree with you – you are scared…and you should be.


Your time is over. Y’all had your chance and you drove the country into the shit-storm from hell. It’s gonna take a lot of time and effort to get us outta the mess that George W. Bush and his cronies got us into and I’m proud that President Barack Hussein Obama is the one trying to lead us out of it. The Invisible Man in the Sky surely knows we need the help.

Lou Pritchett
pj Connolly

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