Thursday Thought Burbles

Senator John Ensign cracked his lie-hole yesterday defending Jay Bybee. Y’all know Bybee? He’s the Bush-Wipe lawyer that wrote the memo saying, among other things, that waterboarding isn’t torture. YIKES! Senator Ensign is a veterinarian by trade so he should know bullshit when he sees it. Apparently not. Let’s try something Senator…next time you’re here in the 775, stop on by the basement and we’ll try a little “enhanced interrogation” on you. Bet you change your mind. Heck-fire…while you’re here, we’ll show you how “teabagging” really works.

The City of Reno is paying a California company 30G’s to find the new city manager. We ask this question on a regular basis: Isn’t there a company here in the 775 that could do the job? The problem with hiring a Cali for the gig is that they’ll get someone in here that doesn’t know the difference between Mill Street and Mills Lane. It’s sad to see what little regard bourgie motherhubbards have toward the citizens of the 775.

Athletes at the University of Nevada are racking up some pretty impressive stats. No, not the kind you get playing sports…the kind you get when you run afoul of John Law. The Wolf Pack wants so badly to compete with the big boys on the field. While that’s never gonna happen, at least they can compete with the big boys when it comes to athletes spendin’ time at the Gray Bar Motel.

And finally…officials in the Rail City announced the new stores coming to the Legends at Sparks Marina. There are a couple of shoe stores, more than a couple of restaurants and a few other miscellaneous strip mall-type stores. The quote is that LaSM will create 700 jobs. Forgive us for not applauding. We know times are tough but do we really need another 700 people making minimum wage? This is the economic benefit we were promised? The only people to benefit from this type of urban sprawl are developers and crooked politicians. "We need more "Special Sauce"...Quick, put the mayonnaise in the sun!"


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Who Let the Air Out?

During the Presidential campaign of 2008, then-candidate Barry-O told the unwashed masses that a good way to save money on gas and car repair was to make sure you checked the pressure in your tires. He had a valid point but the tighty-righties blew a proverbial gasket.

“Obama’s energy policy is naïve!” “No tire pressure for oil!” and “Democrats are full of hot air!” screamed the VPILFs and McCains and Boners. They even distributed tire pressure gauges emblazoned with “Obama’s Energy Plan.” Problem was, Chocolate Elvis was right and the right was wrong. Fast forward to today…

A Nevada legislative subcommittee is recommending a law that would require mechanics to check their customer’s tire pressure. The reason being, it saves gas, creates less wear and tear on vehicles and pollutes less. Good idea, right? Not to some Nevadans. In the comment section of the RGJ story, there was pissing and moaning and hand wringing and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. “Keep the government out of my tires” and “It’s the next step toward socialism” and “What will they mandate next? Prostate exams?” State Senator Heidi Gansert (R) said it is a “personal responsibility issue.” Really? Here’s the crux of today’s biscuit…

First of all, it wouldn’t cost a penny for a mechanic to check your tire pressure while you car is already in the shop. Secondly, having the correct tire pressure really does work. Less pollution, more gas mileage…hell, I’m all for that. But two things chapped my ass reading this story.

One was the thought on personal responsibility. Ya know, it’s the Government’s responsibility to help keep us safe. Does Ms. Gansert want us to abolish the FDA and let us take personal responsibility to make sure there isn’t any poison in our food? Or maybe close the EPA so we can take it upon ourselves to check for lead in our Chinese-made toys? Shut down the military so we can defend ourselves against the bad guys? Aye caramba! Right-wing nutcases at their best. But let me ask something of the Teabagging, uneducated, Limbaugh-loving, rednecks that populate the 775...

I understand y’all say you’re for smaller government. Fewer regulations, less taxation, more freedom…so why do you support the government telling women they cannot get an abortion? Why do you insist on the government sponsoring the biggest navy, the biggest army and the biggest air force in the world? Why in the hell, if you are for smaller government, do you want the Feds to send troops to the Mexican border to fight illegal immigration and to the Gulf of Mexico to help clean up BP’s clusterfuck? Why in the hell do you insist that it’s O.K. for the Feds to tap your phone and your computer? Why? Because you are small-minded, xenophobic, hypocritical, cracker-assed crackers and you only want the government to stop people from doing things you disapprove of. FUCK YOU!!! the sooner you go back to wherever the hell you came from, the better.

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Acapulco?

Sure be glad this depressing week is over. Torture. Trash. Teabagging. Fascists. Fags. It won't be any better on Monday but at least we've got the weekend to drown our sorrows. Problem is, our sorrows have gills. The least we can do is leave y'all with some rippin' tuneage. Enjoy.


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Thursday Thought Burbles

Yesterday we popped a cap in another Al Qaeda leader in the Af/Pak war. Question: How many "leaders" does Al Qaeda have? It seems every time we drone someone, we either kill innocent civilians or an Al Qaeda "leader." Dude was probably OBL’s limo driver. Oh wait…we’ve already Gitmo-ed that guy.

Saw skeevy Rep. Eric Cantor on television yesterday…spoutin’ on about how “Obamacare” is gonna ruin the country. Nothing new from that lie-hole. But what got me was that Cantor was wearin’ an orange tie…on ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!! Yo Eric…in my hood, wearin’ orange on St. Patrick’s day will get a cap popped right between your eyes. Better not come Teabagging here in the 775 wearin’ that crap. True dat.

While listening to yesterday’s Nevada v Wichita State men’s basketball game on the radio Ryan Radtke, the play-by-play guy, skidmarked his Underoos when this dunk happened. POSTERIZATION!!! Gotta love those radio announcers. Speaking of Wichita State…y'all know what a "Shocker" is? Do y'all realize what a “SHOCKER” is? Aye caramba!

And finally…in a Rhode Island school, they found an effigy of President Obama hanging in a classroom. Seems peeps were cheesed-off when the ‘Bamer applauded the firing of teachers in the underperforming school. Here’s the crux of the biscuit: President Obama didn't fire those teachers. President Obama didn't make those schools into "failing" schools. President Obama applauded holding teachers accountable. Is that a "hang the guy in effigy" offense? No. And to the teacher that said the effigy was part of a lesson plan, I say to you...no wonder your schools are failing. But don't worry…you can always come on out to the 775. We’ve got room for the likes of you. True story.

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